this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2024
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HR isn't the employees friend, ever.
But that's where you start the paper trail. It's really the safest bet
Especially if the topic is sex, as OP claims. Like WTF.
Boy, I'm real hesitant to go to HR. May as well ask to be fired.
It really depends on the business, culture, climate. The better places I've worked, this kind of interest is genuine, an attempt to foster better relationships at work. Of course, some people are just nosey Nellies...
Without knowing the environment and culture (and the questions), it's hard to say what to do.
Best I can say is to make it clear you like to keep your work and private life well separated.
Also OP, if someone else feels insulted, that's on them. They've chosen to feel insulted. Besides, how do you know she feels insulted? If she's communicating that, then she's being manipulative, using "emotional blackmail". Look, I'm not responsible for how you choose to feel, that's on you.
One trick I've used with people who continue with questions is to respond with a non-sequiter, something jarring, and use it all the time, repeatedly. Something like "how about the weather", or "how about those ". Make it your catch phrase for when people continue to pry, and don't be afraid to repeat it. Keep in mind tone matters, so say it like you mean it, like you walked in on Monday after a team did well, or got their asses beat. You don't even have to like the sport or the team, in fact it's kind of funny if you don't like them.
It's a bit of re-framing the conversation, while also communicating you aren't interested in the subject, without being an ass. And if anyone complains, well, you were just talking about a sports team.
Agree, hr is more or less a one stop shop to being fired. Op is right, they'll immediately label you someone who is willing to speak up, what's the addage? The beach who perks up gets pruned. HR isn't necessarily there to protect the company, but the status quo. They don't want anyone making noise, else it is bad for everyone.
I had the luck of working at two places where HR took the real meaning of Human Resources to heart. One place saw their role as maintaining the "resources" in good stead like they would for their machines or tooling, since a broken resource can't further your company goals. They offeres check-ins to see how things were going, any gripes, any way to spread workload.
Current one has been great too. I had one employee being quite toxic about other employees as an odd way to create internal allegiences and it was creating a difficult situation. I talked with HR rep and they took care of it. That employee now acts professionally.
Sometimes HR is OK, but read the company culture first