this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2024
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Hello fellow introvert. I too have struggled with these dynamics in the past.
Sounds like you've met people similar to you. How would you prefer others handle you? I'm guessing it's "ditch the small chat, and get to the point". I'd say, treat these people like that. Focus all your conversations with them purely on the shared work and leave them alone otherwise.
It's likely that they have an established working relationship with the other person but not you and so they freeze up in a 1:1 scenario. Just continue to engage with them in group settings until you establish rapport.
You don't have to do much. Continue to be friendly with them and if they don't reciprocate just engage with them on the work alone. If you need something from them, ditch the small talk, explain the problem clearly and explain what you need from them.
I think you're trying to take a one size fits all approach here. You need to adapt to each individual. For those who want to be friendly and chatty, hit them up and engage with them. Find them to be boring? You pretend to care, ask them a few follow-up questions (people love to talk about their interests) and then glance at your watch and say "ugh, I'm really sorry to interrupt, I've got to //".