the_dunk_tank
It's the dunk tank.
This is where you come to post big-brained hot takes by chuds, libs, or even fellow leftists, and tear them to itty-bitty pieces with precision dunkstrikes.
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Good list, but you're missing out on one integral part (except for hockey) which is terrain. Basketball requires a hard and smooth surface, like asphalt or wood. Rugby requires a soft surface like grass, don't know if it requires a soft surface with two-hand touch. Tennis requires a hard surface. So on and so forth.
Any sport that is restricted to a specific surface gets a minus point in my book. To me, this is what really brings the game up in my eyes.
After that it's complexity: How easy is it to learn the rules of the game (not talking at a fully competitive level, just the simplified backyard variant) the easier it is to pick up, the better.
To me it's the combination of these factors that make football so good: You can play it anywhere, it's incredibly easy to pick up (but can still scale in complexity) and it doesn't require anything other than a sphere.