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"Embrace your weirdness. It's okay to stand out." (hexbear.net)

submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[CW: Internalized Hate]

Something I'm being told even though I literally receive hate on a daily basis for said "weirdness."

Just when I thought I was learning to accept myself for all the things I have a long past of hating myself over (gender, sexuality, race, and neurodivergence), it just really hasn't gotten to that point where I can truly embrace this. I'm afraid that the one life I was given was as an autistic, black, pansexual enby, and there's nothing I can do about that.

I will never be normal, and no, that's not okay. I don't believe I will truly ever be able to be content like this. I'm far too different from the norm for life to be compatible for someone like me. I feel like I'm not actually meant to exist. I feel like I'm an experiment where I'm intended to be everything that a human being is not supposed to be.

As long as I will continue being this way (and, unfortunately, I will), there's gonna be a reason to question how much comfort I can find in life, and when it hits me that the world will never be for people like me, I question how I can make my life work.

I'm forever to be disgusting, filthy, broken, freakish, incompetent, abnormal, inferior, and a detriment to society's own comfort, and that's just in my nature, so no, I don't think I can make my life work.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I don't know if you're in the mood to read theory, but if you are, I would recommend Stigma by Erving Goffman to better understand/contextualize these feelings

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago

Thank you a whole lot for the recommendation. I only briefly read around the description tonight, but it sounds like an incredible fit for helping me process this pain and isolation, and I will get to reading sometime after I wake up most likely.