Socialanxiety

cross-posted from: https://sh.itjust.works/post/26811687

I don't take it very often because I don't want an addiction sneaking up on me, but it certainly makes crowds more manageable. almost enjoyable

woke up in a cold sweat this morning because I had to make an important business call this afternoon. spent about an hour using my coping mechanisms to talk myself out of it, but eventually had to take my valium

just finished the call, it went extremely well. not only did I make the sale, but there was like 40 minutes of rapport building.

is this what normal people feel like all the time?

Some personal examples that come to mind are:

• Being late for work because I heard the people in the apartment next to me leave and I waited five minutes so I wouldn't have to share the elevator

• Cleaning my house for two hours before strategically placing items I can talk about just so I can have a friend of multiple years over and after they left replaying things I said to make sure I didn't say anything embarrassing

• Not being able to look my Tinder date in the eyes even though we've been talking for a month and we had planned to have relations that evening

• Spending $200 on a sweater at a craft market because I worked up the courage to ask the price and couldn't bring myself to say no thanks

• Forgetting something I needed at a store and just leaving because I didn't want to face the cashier

They're all things that are silly in hindsight that I later realised the average person likely wouldn't have done. I know no one would have really cared in these situations.

Just curious what stories people have.

Anyone knows this sentence? I had a lot of people saying that when I was younger. I also knew alcohol would do magic to my anxiety.

By now I've learned that it doesn't need alcohol to have people actually liking you.

I mean. I'm still anxiety-me. But surrounding myself with people who like me.

And right now to feels useless to write this, like it doesn't have a point. Excuse me..

I hope your day is going well, and aren't too stressed 🤗.. ideally not stressed at all, but that would be a dream.

I haven't seen posts in this group in a hot minute and thought I'd add a small contribution to it.

Source: https://introvertdoodles.com/comic/how-anxious-are-you/

Marzi is ace and has some books available on Amazon!

This is the third draft of this post, as well.

I guess I might belong, eheh.

Heyyy, I am so sorry for missing two full weeks, and barely beeing online. Tl;dr: had a bad depressive episode. Yet i still managed to read all new posts and comments in the meantime. i apprechiate all you people very much, even when socialising can be impossible. Love to you all!

I recently started using breathing exercises for the first time in a few years when I'm feeling anxious, and they've been helping a lot. I hadn't quite realized how big of a difference actually going by time could make as opposed to just generally trying to slow my breathing - if you've never tried it I'd highly recommend it.

I'm having trouble finding the pattern(s) that work best, though. It seems to vary so much; one day one will feel claustrophobically slow and another day it's anxiety-inducingly fast, kinda defeating the purpose. But I don't want to abandon timing it altogether when my gut is apparently pretty bad at figuring out what is the right pace.

Maybe I'm just overthinking this, but I'd love to hear your opinions and experiences. Also, do you use any other physical strategies, like belly breathing?

Hey sorry for the delay. i had no acces to a computer, and the app doesnt give me the ability to pin posts. Have a nice week!

that's all

All joking aside, I highly recommend participating in a social anxiety group, whether it's a support group or a therapy group. Attending group in and of itself is therapeutic regardless of participation.

All joking aside - what are you saying "No" to because of social anxiety?

I (18) have always been insecure and paranoid that I'm freakish, off-putting, and annoying, especially since I'm trans and have been bullied for gender nonconformity since I was a kid. This is not helped by the fact that I've always had trouble getting people to be comfortable with me. I try to let loose and talk normally - fake it till I make it - but deep down I fear that people will see past this "confident" façade and be able to perceive the real, terrified me.

I've always tried to rationalize these fears away by dismissing them as simple paranoia. But lately I've confided in a couple of close friends about my struggles and asked for their honest opinions. I'm not sure if this was a grave mistake - they confirmed that my "normal" act wasn't working as well as I thought. They pointed out some odd behaviours like acting "shifty" by avoiding eye contact, acting "desperate" etc. which sent me into a new spiral of overthinking.

Logically I know that I shouldn't be taking this personally, but I cannot help but feel as if I am inherently "defective" at connecting with other people. I'm just reinforcing my negative self-perception all over again, and I'm starting to lose hope that I could ever be likable. External validation shouldn't matter to my inherent worth, but annoyingly it does.

If anybody has advice on how to build up a healthier internal sense of worth, that would be neat. I'm stuck in an odd spot without accessible therapy right now, since I just graduated HS and the school therapist was incompetent at handling trans issues anyway. Looking for something that might help tide me over until I secure mental health support at uni - which I also anticipate myself struggling with due to social anxiety, I'm sure you all can relate.

Thanks for reading all this - have a good day.

I don't really use social media at all. I do have accounts on instagram and Facebook but only use them to occasionally post my art but never any personal posts, while most of the people i know are borderline addicted to sharing every moment of their life online.

But I've been thinking lately that maybe i should be doing more of that. I think it would be easier to talk to people online and then I'd be more comfortable talking to them face to face.

But on the other hand.. I feel a bit weird to start posting personal posts suddenly when everyone knows me as someone who doesn't really do that. I generally have a hard time doing something out of what people expect from me.

This is a bit of a ramble. Anyone have a similar experience/thought process? How do you make friends??

i know this sounds paradox and maybe some will not understand this (yet), but i want to shine a light on some positive side effects of this primarily negative topic.

for me, i feel like social anxiety has made me more empathetic towards my fellow humans. i work as a service worker in sales, and many of my coworkers don't care about the customers and are mostly just annoyed at them. i try to show understanding since i never know what someone is going through and how hard this shopping trip is for them. i have the motto that i want to give people around me more space, and more time to do whatever. however much time they might need. because i know i sometimes need this, and i am very happy when i can see someone who apprechiates it when i don’t pressure them to buy something. i think we all can practice a little more empathy. i imagine without experiencing social anxiety myself i would have less acceptance of other peoples struggles whatever kind that might be.

Hello you beautiful people. I want to start this little experiment where i will pin a megathread each week for talking about your week, share small victories, or discuss your goals for the next week. There are no topic rules to this, any kind of small talk is welcome. :) I figured since some of us might lack a space to share about their daily life, maybe we can use such a place here.

What are your go-to safety behaviors? Have you tried challenging yourself to reduce them? What happened if you did?