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The original was posted on /r/cfb by /u/Ambitious-Buffalo-19 on 2025-02-28 15:25:14+00:00.
Fellow degenerates, scholars, and sufferers of the long, dark off-season,
It has now been 40 days since we last witnessed a 19-year-old make a terrible decision that changes the trajectory of an entire fanbase's mental health, and I fear I may not survive until Week 1. The symptoms of off-season delirium have fully set in:
- I spent three hours watching a 2014 MACtion game on YouTube, and it was the happiest I’ve been since my team last won a bowl game (which, unfortunately, was not recently).
- I booed my neighbor while they fertilized their grass just to feel something.
- I got into a heated debate with my uncle over whether Iowa corn is objectively superior to Nebraska corn.
- I stood in the middle of a field and screamed, "RUN THE DAMN BALL!"—which actually helped the corn grow (take notes, Nebraska).
- I attempted to tailgate my nephew’s Little League game, and apparently, "you can’t just grill an entire hog in a public park without a permit."
- I spent 45 minutes watching corn combine videos because it was the closest thing I could find to a B1G West (RIP) offense.
- I attempted to ring a cowbell through an entire work meeting in honor of Mississippi State. Nobody appreciated it.
- I spent way too much time in a YouTube rabbit hole watching 2007 highlights, just to remember when college football was pure, stupid, and chaotic.
- I watched an old Nebraska game just to remember what it was like when they mattered.
I am NOT OKAY.
If this drought continues, I fear I will turn to dangerous levels of NFL Draft discourse or—God forbid—pretending to like baseball. I CANNOT LET THIS HAPPEN.
So, I come to you, my fellow college football junkies: How are you surviving? Are you deep into the Film Breakdown Phase? Have you convinced yourself Matt Patricia was a good hire? Have you been sucked into the dark abyss of "Is (Insert Random Coach) On The Hot Seat?" discourse? Have you considered which Warhammer 40k Space Marine Legion Hugh Freeze would be?!
Or are you, like me, standing in a field somewhere, staring into the distance, wondering if Nebraska will ever elect a secretary of agriculture that prioritizes Husker Football.
Tell me your off-season coping mechanisms before I start watching old WAC games and convince myself South Carolina is winning the national championship.
Sincerely,
A Desperate Fan Who Just Needs a Third and Seven Play-Action Pass to Live Again
