milk i guess but my breath would stink

H1O mixed with some Hydrogen. Check mate.

Go big or go home, I say. Pappy Van Winkle for the rest of my days.

See username :) So much variety even though it's all the same tea plant

Is aforementioned drink free for life too? Because there's this whiskey distillery just up the road from me and they make a black tea infused whiskey that I wouldn't mind.

Cactus cooler.

It's an orange pineapple carbonated beverage that if you can find is such a happy experience.

Oolong tea

Arnold palmers. Nothing beats em

And no "water with a twist of lemon/slice of cucumber" goofs. Water isn't allowed.

No sugar, no proteins?

Tap water has minerals.

Dimethylmercury

Tea. There's a lot of room for variation anyway.

The most water-like thing I am allowed by your very contrived rules. Maybe water with two slices of cucumber.

Coke zero, baby, yeehaw.

Spezi.

D₂O, and then make a living selling my piss to chemical manufacturers

e:

How Drinking Heavy Water Could Kill You

Algae and bacteria can live with 100% heavy water and no regular water. Plant and animal cells are more complex, so too much heavy water results in sickness or death. One key issue is that heavy water disrupts mitosis, the type of cell division used to repair injuries and grow new cells. The mitotic spindles of cells containing too much heavy water simply aren’t able to equally divide a cell to form two identical new ones.

But, you have to continuously drink and eat only heavy water for several days to see an effect. Replacing 20% of regular water in cells with heavy water is survivable for humans and other mammals (although not recommended). Swapping 25% of water with heavy water causes (sometimes irreversible) sterilization. Replacing 50% of water with heavy water is lethal. It’s not a pretty death, either. Heavy water poisoning resembles radiation poisoning or cytotoxic poisoning from chemotherapy.

https://sciencenotes.org/can-you-drink-heavy-water-is-it-safe/

fuck I changed my mind can I do green tea