My code would look like this:

if{x>0}

positivecountplusplus;

no, not that, I mean positivecountplusplus;

No! I mean increment positivecount;

NO! Erase, stop typing all that;

Erase last four lines;

FUCK!;

{endif}

Why the hell would it be a good thing to withhold knowledge from junior devs?

I love how this ad is an apologia whose explicit premise is that you will lose the respect of your colleagues, but they’ll be fired and you won’t so their opinion shouldn’t matter to you. Was this written by Dwight from The Office?

Good to see that 100x developers still don't get their own office, just a gimp mask.

Hold on a second, I remember these things being sold a couple of years ago... The only difference was that they were marketed towards gamers so you could scream slurs without mother taking away your Good-Boy-Points™️

Here's the kickstarter: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/metadox/the-phasma-a-voice-dampening-mask-for-gamers

So many var names with the uuuuuuuhhhh prefix

Three major updates before the coffee's done brewing brings to mind a team scrambling to fix a fuck up, fucking up even more, then scrambling to fix that on top of the original fuck up.

How fucking slow is your coffee maker

Does no one else type faster than they talk?

Oh, you think text to speech is your ally, but you merely adopted it. I was born in it, molded by it.

Wearing a surgical mask to protect others is tyrannical, but wearing this fucking muzzle to maximize profits for your corpo overlords is freedom. Get it right!

It seems to be wired. How can you maximize your productivity if you have to stop talking to the computer when you leave your desk?

I would bet cold, hard cash that the people making and selling this spent time during the early COVID pandemic screaming about how masking is a communist plot that violated their rights.

shipped three major updates

Aside from what's obviously wrong with that from a technical point of view...as a user I loathe this shit. Like, you think I love it, if your shitty software is nagging me every three hours to update?

How are they drinking the coffee if they have the masks on to work?

Yeah, because typing speed is the bottleneck here...

Because we wouldn't want inexperienced devs to learn from their senior coworkers...

3 major updates in the morning and 30 major bug reports during the rest of the day?

This is cool for people with unique accessibility needs

Its the future, bro!

They both...have keyboards.

Witness me lowly junior devs, as I ship updates at 150 WPM with my robot legs. Your fear of looking ridiculous is a skill issue. I’m a genius.

Muzzle the tech bros

In what world it's faster to talk than to type?

If you put on a feeding bag to code I'm going to mock you mercilessly and many people will join me.

I bet those things must stink like hell. No way they wash them out

The keyboard era is officially over

They're dreaming of keyboards being taken off the market entirely one day when this goes mainstream, and I'm imagining trying to play a video game going "W, W, W, A, A, S, S, W, W SPACEBAR, W SPACEBAR GOD DAMNIT I DIED AGAIN I can't even get past the tutorial on this shitty game"

They overestimate my ability to speak clearly.

Mind you, I've actually tried some of these newfangled dictation tools. Most of them are a simple transcription -> llm cleaning pipeline that doesn't work nearly as well as they claim. You basically give up all control over the formatting/style. It's also useless where precision matters and you can't have random transcription errors lying around.

The companies behind it claim insanse things like a 10x speedup in wpm you can output. I tried it and it was.. slower.

Part of the problem is me ig. Talking has always required effort for me, which seems to confuse other people. But when I'm dictating to one of these, I'm going slower (because talking clearly is hard) and I'm actively dumber (because talking takes brainpower).

That said, I did find them useful for when I can't type/dirty hands/being lazy.

But there's no need to pay an AI company $20/month for that. I run a model locally, get full privacy and no cost beyond a bit of battery