1687
submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

Please don't ask why I need this.

It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.

It has to be something I can easily find.

EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:

  • I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.

  • I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.

  • I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.

  • I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).

  • Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.

  • If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.

Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.

(page 5) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top new old
[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago

The type of shit (or lack thereof) that I came here to subscribe.

[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago

Honestly, the edits didn’t clarify much. I’m nearly as confused by this whole situation as I was the first time I read the post

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[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago

I'm here for whatever this ends up being

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[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago

Just tell us the reason.

[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I was here witnessing lemmy history being made and I will probably die of curiosity if we do not get an update. I do not have any tips. I just hope that you come back safe and sound.

[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago

You could try surviving on Soylent or an equivalent. It's the nutrients you need to stay alive and operating normally stripped down to the bare minimum (so less material for you to have to poop). It might be diluted in water but that could be minimised and that small amount would probably leave you though sweat/breath anyway.

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[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 years ago

Just don't eat anything. For three days you should be fine. If your stomach hurts just drink water.

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[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago
[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

I'm pretty Sure you are a Woman going on a hike for multiple days and you don't want to poop in the wild? These problems sound quite familiar xD

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[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I think this is for some sort of fanfic or roleplay, so:

Military food. If you want something old fashioned but not so bland like the european bread take a look at what paraguayan soldiers used during the three aliances war.

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

Steak and eggs, it's what astronauts use to not shit for days. your body absorbs most of the material rather than excreting it. your looking for anything "low residue".

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[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago
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[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

Honestly, If u dont want to poop and eat as little as possible i would consider fasting. If zero food is too intimidating - pack some nuts.

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

Canned tuna. It's very dry and almost all protein so most of it gets absorbed by the body and you'll be pooping neat little bricks.

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[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

I haven't seen any comments suggesting a plug, so I guess it'll be me. Try using a butt plug.

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

I was here when the no-shit post jump started the popularity of this platform. My children will be so proud

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[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 years ago

lol this is hilarious, and I also hope you're okay, OP!

Now, some say this is the first Lemmy meme. I'm not sure that's the case, for what it's worth. However, it does feel exciting to see a meta moment like this! So absurd! 😂

[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago

Just start taking Adderall. If you're anything like me, you will have to remind yourself to eat more than 500 calories a day and then you will find yourself questioning how many days it has been since you even felt the need to poop.

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[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago

Lemmy history!

[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago

Aha! You are joining the circus!!!

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[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago

My only advice would be to have a back up plan. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, and there's no guarantee you won't get an unpleasant surprise. You say you'll use the toilet if you're about to shit yourself, but what if you can't make it and do end up shitting yourself because you put it off so long?

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[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 years ago

8/10 with rice

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this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2023
1687 points (95.8% liked)

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