I was here for the poop thing

Don't eat chipotle

https://youtu.be/Z54XNJivHOs I was there at the dawn of the third age of mime kind

I was a witness to OPs great secret.

Avoid fiber like plague

I recommend eating a lot of cheese and absolutely NO fiber. Not sure if it will make you sweat less, but I'm pretty sure if I ate only cheese for 3 days, it wouldn't be too hard to wait till the end of it to poop. In fact, I may need some help at that point... maybe you should eat some fiber like a couple hours before you do plan on trying to poop, and also drink lots of water at that point, too. I personally find cheese very "helpful" in getting myself constipated, and fiber + water to be a great way to smoothen the pooping process.

Legendary post

Don't drink coffee then.

I don't even want to know the answer because it'll be less entertaining than lemmy's collective imagination.

As for the question: I think your biggest problem is going to be inducing a proper clearout shortly before you go on your trip. Maybe laxatives?

Edit: I just realized, is the reason you don't want to go despite having toiles available stuff like hemorrhoids or an anal fissure? Because if so, there are creams for that my friend.

Don’t drink coffee

Eat Domino's pizza. It gives me constipation everytime I eat it.

I hope nobody ever finds out

I reckon that when you finally go, you'll need a poop knife to get that grogan down the hopper.