When viewing an instance's main page in a web browser, scroll all the way to the bottom and click on "Instances". That will show all instances federated with, or blocked by, the given instance.
I'm not sure I can answer your other questions, though you might be interested in https://fba.ryona.agency. It will let you enter an instance and see who is blocking it. For example, here are the instances blocking my home instance, sh.itjust.works: https://fba.ryona.agency/?domain=sh.itjust.works