If the far-right misogynist with a bad haircut wants to villainize independent women, Jezebel is more than happy to be the hag of his nightmares.

The internet has ruined me in a thousand ways, but one of its strangest gifts is that I can now buy a curse as easily as I can buy a phone charger. On the mystical website Etsy, you can find a spell for just about anything. Don’t want it to rain on your wedding day? There’s a spell for that. Want the man who cheated on you to develop an incurable rash? Or premature balding? The Etsy coven has you covered.

But the internet has its downsides. Exhibit A: Charlie Kirk. Maybe it’s his obsession with telling women what to do or his aggressively large head, but the far-right podcaster’s presence is more irritating than most. That’s when I remembered: there’s Etsy.

These days, witches cater to more than just personal grudges. And it’s not uncommon for them to channel their energy toward thwarting Republicans (there’s even a subreddit devoted to casting nightly hexes on Trump). Are you interested in punishing Kirk for the years of regressive rhetoric he’s shouted at America’s youth and anyone within earshot? Here at Jezebel, we’re about to find out if there’s a spell for that.

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[–] 70 points 1 year ago (12 children)
  • [–] [S] 74 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    We do not endorse, encourage, or excuse political violence of any kind.

    Yet you paid witches to curse him soviet-hmm

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  • [–] 32 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    I mean you're not gonna come out and say "we did this" would you

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  • [–] 43 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    I would take out a full page ad in the NYT.

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  • [–] 21 points 1 year ago* (2 children)
  • [–] [S] 36 points 1 year ago (2 children)
  • [–] 33 points 1 year ago

    Do any of those witches have a subscription service

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  • [–] 31 points 1 year ago

    MAGIC IS REAL ETSY WITCHES ARE REAL

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  • [–] 28 points 1 year ago

    This is praxis

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  • sicko-jammin DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC, IN A YOUNG GIRL'S HEART? HOW THE MUSIC CAN FREE HER, WHENEVER IT STARTS?sicko-jammin

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  • [–] 24 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    You think any of these Etsy witches know Juche Necromancy? lenin-sleeping

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  • [–] 23 points 1 year ago

    I want to make it clear, I’m not calling on dark forces to cause him harm.

    Dark forces, famous for their restraint and for respecting the ethical boundaries of those who call upon them.

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  • [–] 19 points 1 year ago (1 child)
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    [–] 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Wiccan doubters seething rn

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  • [–] 16 points 1 year ago

    If you're looking to make money, now would be the perfect time to set up an Etsy business selling counter curses

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  • [–] 16 points 1 year ago*
    [–] 15 points 1 year ago

    Unlike Allah, Kirk could not stand against the force of the internet witches.

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  • [–] 7 points 1 year ago

    It dawned on me: the witches didn’t even need to curse him. The Swifties will handle him now, and let’s be real, the Swifties are much scarier. Or was siccing the Swifties onto Kirk the curse actually working…?

    I figured out the shooter's ideology

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  • [–] 6 points 1 year ago

    Here's the twist: The curse was contracted on August 21st, and the witches said it would take effect in 2-3 weeks.

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