CPTSD

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A place to talk about CPTSD.

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Recent events make me so anxious (self.cptsd)

submitted 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) by permathrowaway to c/[email protected]

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I’m a bit anxious right now and my PTSD is kind of triggered right now.

I was bullied for years because of my disability. I was told they never actually liked me. They knew it was wrong to hate me for my disability, but they did and “couldn’t help it”.

They said they didn’t want to be rude and discriminate, but they couldn’t help it. This lady “Belinda” said she used to despise me and only pretended to be nice but now she likes me more but still pretends to be nice sometimes. She says she doesn’t like anyone though but pretends to because others’ perception of her will change.

Belinda is kind of narcissistic. She lacks empathy and only really cares about her image. She will bully as she pleases if it doesn’t affect her image.

I told teachers about another woman Charlotte and even would tell more people like the police if it got worse. She is creating alternate accounts to follow me and find out my information.

Belinda goes along with what Charlotte does and everyone else in the group goes along with Belinda. They’re nice, just go along and are very people-pleasing.

I cut contact with Belinda and Charlotte but since the school is going to talk to Charlotte, I’m scared I made the situation worse.

My anxiety and PTSD are triggered like I said. All they wanna do is hurt me and scare me because I’m autistic. I’m a dog to them and my opinions don’t matter.

People are so cruel. They hurt me so badly, I hate them. I’m more sad and scared than angry, though.

I’m scared that these people will hate and hurt me more, that they’ll tell everyone they know how horrible, creepy, and disgusting I am. That they’ll believe them and no one will like me. All my friends will hate me too. Hopefully not.

I know they shouldn’t hate me over a one-sided story, but still.

Why would Belinda tell me she was fake if she wanted to hurt me? Is it because she already hurt me so I would know?

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 hours ago

im sorry, they suck. i think though, you will graduate soon if you are senior. they seem very abusive rather than just bullying. 🫂

[–] [email protected] 2 points 13 hours ago

I also have autism, and, if, fortunately, i got a bit spared from thoses kind of people in my life, i can only try to sympathize with what you are going through by how i feel it.

You aren’t horrible, creepy, or disgusting. You lack self esteem. You are hypersensible, and have a lot of empathy, which are probably the most beautiful qualities one can have.

People around you, in their lives, were less worried about their surroundings, making it easier for them to socialise and forget people. They would naturally have a good self esteem.

Some people like thoses girls, lack self esteem AND empathy, so instead of reassuring themselves by trying to become better, they will find comfort in controlling others.

You are a goldmine for them. You are the type of profile that is out of the norm, so it is easier for them to isolate you and getting the rest of the world on their side. They are obsessed with you because it is much harder for them to live without you, without their feeling of control.

Frankly speaking, i would recommend you to see a psychologist or something, because internet is a place where kindness and hatred are neighbors, and some answers can just make it worse (i hope this one is not among them)

About what you said on the situation, honestly, if school is taking action, i think this is probably good. You shouldn’t be afraid of not following bully threats. The most effective rumors are the ones with some deformed truth behind them. A straight lie won’t go very far nor last very long.

If they hate you, if you deceived them, this is probably in your interest, because it’s way easier for them to change target than to keep a thing they lose control on. Though, by the others descriptions you made of theses women, i still recommend you take a school and social media break afterwards. Talking about it with cops was a good thing.

I hope this comment will be helpful, and i am sorry if i got false assumptions about your situation. I wish for you that things get better, and that you will have a nice day.