If accepted.
Reviewer's comments:

• While the paper is well-written overall, contributions on adaptation of alien technology as well as comparison with state-of-the-art are not made clear.
• Authors should consider using TikZ to create the diagrams. My Kindle e-reader had difficulty scaling and displaying the diagrams.
• The paper's tone could benefit from more technicality.
• The terms "alien", "ET", "technology", and "stuff" have been used ambiguously throughout the paper. The authors should consider including a table of nomenclature.
• The experimental results don't appear to provide sufficient statistical significance on how much the mankind's genitalia could be pleased using the alien apparatus. The results would be more conclusive if the application of the apparatus on extraterrestrial genitalia is studied too. This has the additional benefit of avoiding to fall for spurious relationships.

You joke, but the ES121 screwdriver has an open source firmware. I think it's running an STM32F10x (based on the file listings in the firmware). People have gotten Doom to run on an STM32F429, so it's not that far fetched.

Flex or… tables?

Doom is also a cursed piece of software that compels people to make it run everywhere even when it should be physically impossible.

That's the essence of computer science and computer programming.

In fact, for many years now, people have been trying to make Doom run on the most ridiculous things possible (printers, refrigerators, pregnancy tests . . .) just for the heck of it. There are worse hobbies.