Casual Conversation

Where did lil Napoleon hide his lil armies?

In his lil sleevies!

What do you call two mental patients in bed together?

Two nuts in the sack.

Stalactites hang tight to the ceiling, stalagmites build up from the ground with all their might, but when they meet in the middle? You grab your phone and ya call 'em!

... It's called a column.

A man walks into a bar, and says "ow".

Here's a really dumb one I made up that my husband loves for some reason.

Q: What did the leprechaun say when he was kicked in the balls?

A: Menard's!

Woman buying a fish: "Do you have a plastic bag with that?" Fishmonger: "There is already one in the fish mam"

Knock knock Who's there? Cows Cows who? No, OWLS hoo. Cows moo!

My dumbest joke is actually a family joke that has built up over the years. Unfortunately it works only in German.

Basically when I was very young I mispronounced a key word in a Christmas carol and hilarity ensued that dogged me to my father's dying day. It developed over the years into this:

Es ist ein Ross entsprungen
Aus einem Stall so alt,
Wie uns die Bauern sungen,
Das Ross entfloh mit G'walt.
Es ist ein kluges Pferdchen
Aus altem Stamm gezeugt,
Das mitten in der Nacht dann
Sich aus dem Staub gezeugt.

Das Ross, das ich nun meine,
War flink und voller Mut,
Es sprang mit einem Male
Hinaus in die kalte Flut.
Mit Hufen, stark und kräftig,
Fand es den Weg hinaus,
Entkam dem Stall ganz leise,
Und rannte schnell nach Haus.

(I apologize to any German speakers for the terrible lyric verse.)

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Tuna.

Tuna who?

Tuna piano and it'll sound better.