Dammit, The Onion got me again. These headlines lately are too believable.

I believed it at first

This seems less crazy than the things he'll actually say

Stop giving him ideas

the onion has been on fire recently.

Ah fuck almost bit this onion.

The onion should really start hiring like crazy. They're about to start getting so much material that their staff will be totally overwhelmed.

Satire is dead.

But if you only eat poison, the brain worms will starve

Watch out, he's coming for scented markers next

Well it would be bad if we began eating soap. Right?

heh. keep your personal dietary habits to yourself trench head

I love eating Irish spring. tastes like Guinness.

You can't eat the marbles.