this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2024
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Would you be more afraid to meet a bear in the forest late at night, or a woman? (hilariouschaos.com)
submitted 1 week ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Would you be more afraid to meet a bear in the forest late at night, or a woman?

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I wouldn't be too worried about a bear, unless it were a momma bear and the cub was anywhere near me. You just leave while facing it or do step 2 of getting a bearskin rug.

A woman in the woods is terrifying. A lone woman, not hiking, not taking photos, not being a Disney princess with the fauna gathering about her in some sort of whimsical aura, just a woman in the middle of the woods and entirely out of context; terrifying. That is the little girl with mathematics books in a city at night full of aliens.

Have I unknowingly intruded upon her witchy domain with no opportunity for recompense and live? Is she a skinwalker? Is she an alien masquerading as a human female for the purposes of luring foolish men to abduct? Is she a demon harvesting souls for some unholy purpose? Does she want to take half my stuff and a quarter of my income for decades? Does she want to have my children? Does she want to put basic bitch letter signs in every room so I know what to do or what room I am in if I were to forget?

Meeting a lone woman in the woods is terrifying.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Depends on the bear and the woman. If I'm choosing between a gorged, sleepy, elderly bear and my bloodlusted ex with a gun, then definitely the bear. If it's a random 20 year old woman vs. a starving, pissed-off grizzly, gimme the coed.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You get no more context. Black ops dudes have snatched you and are going to drop you into a situation; you get only the choice: bear, or woman.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Do we get the context of ursine or big hairy gay guy or are we going in blind with that too?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Blind. It's always blind.

I don't remember who it was, but some historian once said you could estimate how good and fair a time period is by imagining that you are going to be born at random into it. You don't get to choose your parents, and statistics are the factor - this isn't a monkey's paw wish, it's a random number generator.

In this case, if you pick "bear," you're going to get a random bear from all the bears in the world. If you're a man, you get a random one of the 4 billion(ish) adult women on the planet. Of you're a woman, you get a random man.

It could be a Giant Panda; it could be a Polar Bear. Statistically, probably some sort of black bear; but it's random.

Odds are you're going to get an Asian person: Indian, Chinese, whatever. But you could also get some big, aggressive person magically yanked out of solitary: random.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Would you be more afraid to meet a bear in the forest late at night, or a woman?

If I’m choosing between a gorged, sleepy, elderly bear and my bloodlusted ex with a gun, then definitely the bear.

NGL, it took me a moment to realize you were saying you would rather come across the bear in this situation, not that you would be more afraid of the bear.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

smh this is what i get for posting stoned

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Is it a female bear?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The best case scenario for the bear option is you both avoid each other and move on. The absolute best case scenario for the woman option is she's really the only one out there and is violent enough to survive on her own.

Bear all day every day.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 days ago

Yeah. Who needs nattering in their ear from morning to night

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

As a man I mean. I mean the bear might eat you. But either ways, it's not gonna be a drawn out affair. What about you lice?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Easy, bear. I'm not sure why I'd be afraid of a woman in the woods. Maybe this question is better suited to places where hiking, foraging, all that sort of stuff isn't really common.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

Around here it would be a Black Bear. No worries.

It would be really fucking odd to run into a lone women in the woods.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I dunno. Do I have to rape or kill the woman? /S

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 days ago (1 children)

You are a stonedsanta. Be careful, that stuff will warp your mind. And one day you will stop, and realise what you lost.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 6 days ago

Ah. I use it as medicine for my ADHD friend. It is also an addiction though 💜