this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I wish I knew why small talk is important and why the example in the post is a problem. It would be helpful if someone could explain it.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

If you date someone for 2+ years, at that point, you know what their opinions are on all meaningful topics. All there is left to discuss is small talk: how's your day, did you like the TV show, etc.

Unless your both happy sitting in silence, you'll probably drift apart.

Edit: I think the issue a lot of people here have is not small talk itself, its small talk with strangers. Asking a loved one about their day is small talk, but that doesn't diminish its value.

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[–] [email protected] 61 points 3 days ago (2 children)

It's not small talk if you love the other person

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[–] [email protected] 58 points 3 days ago (5 children)

We will sit in comfortable silence together.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

how do people who "hate small talk" plan on being in sustained meaningful relationships

That's the neat part--I don't!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Talking philosophy is small talk.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Person: Hey you having a good morning?

Me: Depends... What does it mean to be a good person?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

“You see? We ended up at a semantic argument again!”

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 2 days ago

I'd like to have similar interactions with my significant other to the ones I have with my cats. You know, things like siting on the couch together... saying silly things in even sillier voices... staring into each other's eyes while blinking slowly... yelling at her to get down from the cupboard...

[–] dsilverz 22 points 2 days ago (7 children)

In my perspective (a lonely person generally accustomed with my loneliness), small talk doesn't seem to be the problem. The problem is the lack of people's interest in deep topics, such as the aforementioned nature of reality: people either don't have the needed patience, time, or both. People are so busy running through the survival game of the mundane existence that deep topics are left for their afterlives (if there's one), when human ideologies and need for survival cease to exist. Small talk is like "sorry I got no time to think about the ultimate question of life, universe and everything else, gotta go to my modern slavery where I'm not paid to think but to obey, bye!". Deep inside, seems like a fear of becoming lonely as those that, just like me, likes to think about the depths of the reality and breaking paradigms (for example, "shouldn't we discuss how existence is so fleetingly finite in the grand scheme of cosmos and how futile is to accumulate wealth and goods?" is a granted source of loneliness).

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 days ago (8 children)

I think there's a misconception regarding what counts as small talk. "Bland conversation that has no real point but to escape silence" is small talk. Asking you how your day went because I care about you is not. "How's the weather?" is small talk. "How was your trip to the grocery?" is small talk. These are dumb things and, if your relationship can't bear the silence that would be interrupted because "The vegan sausages were on sale today", then it prolly doesn't need to exist.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

You need small talk to find the big talk.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 3 days ago (2 children)

My wife is a VERY quiet person. She doesn't say a lot but when she does it's because she actually has something to say. This made me nervous when we were first dating but I've learned to embrace it. Silence is OK. She definitely talks more than she used to but we don't have to talk all the time. Sometimes she just looks at me and smiles without saying anything and in those moments I know that I am loved.

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[–] [email protected] 42 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Extrovert cannot comprehend being quiet.

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