this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2024
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Microblog Memes

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A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

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[–] [email protected] 212 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

"Okay honey, it's really cool that you're Gay and all. But could you, like... Go back in the closet and come out again? It's for something that's very important to me" πŸ₯Ί

[–] [email protected] 163 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

This man will never take a shower in peace without being haunted by this memory

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

You mean β€œshake a tower”. πŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈ

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Is that an euphemisms for masturbation?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

No. It’s a dad way of saying take a shower, by switching the first two letters of each word.

Edit: another one is the fit has hit the shan, which is a less vulgar way of saying the shit has hit the fan.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago

Guess I still need to work on my own dad jokes, as mine apparently went "whoosh" right there.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

It will be on his tombstone.

[–] [email protected] 57 points 2 weeks ago

Homie has the opportunity to ascend to a higher plane of dadhood and completly blew it

[–] [email protected] 43 points 2 weeks ago

You should turn in the dad card immediately, the offices are open 9-3. The regulations were clearly defined - no exceptions.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 weeks ago

Probably need to buy a few pairs of New Balance and khakis for redemption

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago

"You are a father but we do not grant you the rank of 'Dad'."

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago

Devastating.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago

I'm actually mad about it now. Fucking wasted it, man :/

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Are you sure you're even her dad?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Man needs a paternity test ASAP

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

gonna have to take your dad classes again

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago

Task failed successfully

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

In a similar situation, i just looked at my wife and said "you owe me 5€."