Asklemmy

I'm a pretty strange dad with coordination issues.

Basically 3D Galaga with furries.

moon's haunted

In a world full of robots you live your live in the wilds until your stepdad gets killed and all of a sudden all these religious tribes around you want you to save humanity.

fetishized well dressed fleshsteel interdemensional abominations commit intergalactic genocide at the behest of their flower based mother figure.

experience storytelling featuring family values, political commentary, and conversations with an actual wall!

You try to land on the moon but you just keep missing for some reason. So you go to read alien scriptures on some hourglass or whatever

Alien crashes on planet and murders the native population in order to build contraptions that pull rocks out of the ground and cooks and smashes them together

I dig hole to protect myself.

You take getting shot in the face very personally and end up deciding the fate of an entire metropolitan area. There is also sand everywhere.

Horse armor.

Just to quote a claasic:

"Blah blah blah, Mr. Freeman"

Go spelunking and become immune to nearly all forms of damage, only to step on a drop of funny pink liquid, get turned into a sheep, get set on fire and die.

Normal mailman gets shot and robbed, embarks on quest for revenge, acidentaly changes politics of the area forever.

You spend hundreds of hours gaining XP in a skill you'll never actually use

You form a group consisting exclusively of mentally ill folks and embark on a journey trying to genocide tadpoles.

You attack a tree, then make tools to attack things even better. You need to now attack dirt and then stone to make better tools. After that, you can attack more stone in hopes of finding valuables. When you find blue thing, you can attack solid cola, and make a rectangle, then curse it by lighting it on fire. Now you agree in hell. You should be proud of yourself. Now you can attack fires with your tools, or if you collected snowballs before, you can also torture them. When they die, you pull out their penis, break them to make fire-thing. Then kill living magmas, and then extract their magma that was inside them, and make it into magma balls. After that, you can kill tall black people, and collect their balls. Then you can merge the fiery-things, the magma balls, and the black people's balls to make some eyeballs. You can then throw the eyeballs (one at a time), and follow them until they fall down where you stand. Then you can start attacking dirt and stone again, until you get into an underground house. Find a room that has a rectangle made from the eyeball's material, go there, and put the remaining eyeballs there, but look out for gray bugs! Now you get to the void on a floating solic cola, then use the stone you attacked to go to another floating thing that is made of solid pee. You should see big dragon. If you made bows, you can start shooting, and when big dragon is down, you can also attack it with a sword. But beware! Big dragon can also fuck you over, and shoot you out of the void into space. If you managed to destroy big dragon, at the center of the pee island, you should see cola spawn inside solid cola. Just jump in there, and you beat the game!

There is a box. It's a very old box. It might have a thing in it. Everyone tells you to not open it. The game tells you to not open it. You probably opened it on your first playthrough.

Worker that wants to unionize destroys all his company's shit with a hammer.

You get stranded on an alien planet and in the process of trying to get home you get distracted with destroying the planets resources and native population

A russian dude with schizophrenia is stuck in the subway

Drunk man shouts at over grown lizards

Super powerful space ninjas with mommy issues shoot big ass guns.

A group comprised of individual avant-garde artists who are also amateur athletes each travel around a city collecting art supplies while listening to broadcasts so they can create several colourful palimpsests without getting beaten or shot.

There's cubes

You fuck your way until you gather a big enough force to save the Galaxy from blue squids

One armed topless homosexual tricks gullible mass murderer with a shape changing laser sword into freeing him from super sleep meanwhile robin williams impersonator fools an entire religious group into believing he is not one of them somehow hiding his space wizard powers from all the other space wizards before basically killing them all.

Virgin seeking love.

Enjoys long walks on beaches, lakes, rot etc. Travelling is my passion!

Environmentally conscious. Believes in, loves and supports global warming. Burn those trees down!

Dislikes: lobster.

Interested? Write me back soon! I love a good old finger written note. I'm old fashioned like that x

So like, there's this Gate, right?

I just, like, want to like, grow my plants in peace, man.. and like, totally be one with nature on the edge of town, and like..give these really awesome crystals to this cute chick with blue hair who totally, like, picks up the cosmic vibe of them.

“Hey Siri, how much meat can you get off an adult male moose?” “Moose can be processed for over 200 kilograms of meat.” “WELL THIS IS FUCKING BULLS-oh no the pretty, scary lights are back.”

A man's quest to murder their father turns the whole world upside down.