Dear Mrs McGrath,

Are you napping or are you taking "the big sleep"?

Sincerely, The teachers pension

We are writing to enquire as to the current status of your mitochondria.

Did you recently (or less recently) stop breathing for more than 10 minutes, and if so, are you or not a professional freediver?

"Hey Sanka! You dead?"

Mocking Query: Coorta, Coorta, are you dead yet?

• Is anybody there?

• No.

• Ok, that’s good. For a moment I thought there could be a could be a stabby knife murderer hiding in the closet.

• Nope, there’s no one here.

You can guess how the story ends…