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Anyone else feel like ~99% of their life was kind of wasted? (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 years ago* (last edited 3 years ago) by to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
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In the last year or so I started to see so many people of my age that have done truly incredible things and still doing more.
For the vast majority of my life my only goals were gettimg academic satisfaction and doing unproductive stuff in the free time to get temporary pleasure. No end goal whatsoever.
I kind of don't know what I've been doing in the last 17 years while someone gets a patent on solar systems, other invents a new recyclable plastic, and another found a successful startup. I mean, they all find what they're supposed to be doing with their lives and excel in them.
I feel overwhelmed for trying to pace up with these kind of people. Yet I don't like the way the things are and I can't do anything but envy those people.
Anyone with experience in this regard? How did you deal with this? Did you eventually "pace up" with these people or was it too late or an unattainable goal?
Edit: Whoops, I didn't expect so many replies! Thanks, I'll look into them all

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[–] [S] 0 points 3 years ago (3 children)

I don't know. Maybe the adults around me are lazy but literally all can't move out of comfort zone, start something new.
Since you mentioned, yes I'm trying to study abroad (and it seems very likely). And I should be, because it has been my dream since 14 or something. But I only started preparing last year. Why? I just didn't know I could study abroad. How could you be so blind that you can't study abroad is a valid question that I can't answer. I was misguided by all adults around me - just claimed it's not possible until masters unless you get into a few super-selective high schools. But I could probably just open internet and ask the same question instead of taking the words of people that can't even speak English. And I got confidence loss over not getting into these super-selective high schools (and not being able to study abroad), this effect combined with an unfortunate personal event got me into serious mental problems for around two years. This really wasn't "I didn't achieve good stuff because I partied too much" case, I didn't enjoy my time doing unproductive stuff.
I was lucky enough I realized this is not the case later on by some means.
Looking at the opportunities of those students studying at international high schools in my country (which I was able to attend, but didn't because I was not aware of the whole study abroad thing) who started this process 3 years ago and not 1 year, I'd probably get into Harvard or something of that sort - if I had these opportunities (which I could definitely have).
I just really feel far away from my true potential. I have huge regrets in non-academic areas of my life as well. I just didn't make the best decisions for myself.

And I'm scared of getting older because I see adults around me at 30s or 40s don't move an inch from their comfort zone. "I want to do x" "This would be nice" but there are no steps towards whatever they're thinking of. They just seem stuck. I'm not sure getting married or having kids is what actually causes this effect though.
It seems so real I'll study in the country I want to settle in, because I might think "nah I can't spend more effort moving somewhere else, I don't need more trouble"

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  • [–] 2 points 3 years ago* (last edited 3 years ago) (2 children)

    There is no telling your future but from this one post I think you may find yourself more successful than you think. The fact you have realized that you are unhappy where you are is a big motivator to change that. Look at what you are planning on doing, studying abroad is a big step. It may not feel like it to you but it is.

    I agree with all the other posts that comparing yourself to others is fruitless because you are not them. But if you really want to do something spectacular then go for it. What that is ? Who knows? And you don't need to know right now. Just go out and learn about as many different things that you can. You never know where good ideas come from. Also meet as many different people as you can one big factor in doing great things is knowing great people. It will also make your experiences much more broad and interesting.

    Say 'yes' to doing crazy (though non-life threatening) stuff

    Take a class in some subject that you find really weird and/or uncomfortable

    Ask for help when you need it.

    Take a weird job

    quit the weird job

    Find a passion

    find others that have that passion

    get bored with that passion

    Ask out someone that you think is wayyyy outside your league

    I could keep going but its all great experiences and you will start to notice that you are caring less and less about the success of others because you are living your life.

    Sorry for the rambling, but honestly this random internet stranger is actually quite envious of you and the life you have in front of you.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 3 years ago (1 child)

    I was going to study abroad or settle somewhere else sooner or later, I just don't see anything relevant to this country anymore. I don't really feel attached to anywhere to be honest: family, friends, country, anything that comes to mind. And I love travel, and I feel sick when I stay in some place for too long. Studying abroad is the best option for me.

    I'm just too late, and despite my tremendous effort (including but not limited to completely messing up my sleep schedule for work) since last year, I see people are much better in their position because they just started things earlier. Did the right things. Had a network of people that guided them well. And as I'm typing this here perhaps someone else started something I'd love to do.

    I'll take your advice though, thanks for suggestions

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  • [–] 2 points 3 years ago

    I get it. I've had those thoughts that you are having. It's frustrating as hell to see everyone around you succeed while it feels like you are spinning your wheels.

    For me I came to the conclusion that I'm a late bloomer. It has taken me many many years to just start to do something I am proud of and I'm far from considering myself as a success. But the thing that I can't do is take time looking around at everyone else's success, it doesn't help. Actually it pulls energy from what I need and want to do.

    One thing I have learned along the way is make connections. If you want the network of people that others have you will need to go out and get it. The fact that you love to travel makes this easier for you. Like I said in my original post, meet people. Make it your goal to meet 4 new people in each country. Most relationships will go nowhere, some will become your friends, and a few may be able to give you a path to this success you are looking for. You said you didn't have a goal - here is one. It's not inventing plastic or traveling the solar system but it's just as important. As a matter of fact the bigger your network of people is the bigger the chances are that you will succeed.

    In fact you got one person (me) in your network now. I don't know what I can do to help you but I rooting for you.

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