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Male vs female dating app experience (thelemmy.club)
submitted 14 hours ago by to c/microblogmemes@lemmy.world
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[–] 31 points 8 hours ago (4 children)

I’m not quite sure how to say this, but the bar is definitely above there. I’m sure many women have these stories of people falling below it and having lowered their standards, but there are also guys (like me) that have received zero to zero attention while being very socially open in a lot of contexts.

Worse, there’s often a conclusive reaction of “If that’s the case, you must be doing something wrong”. I know I’m not my own best judge, but I don’t believe that. I show interest in people’s lives and hardship, be kind, stay clean, and it doesn’t appear to make a difference.

People as a whole (not just women) are less prone to haphazard connections than they used to be. More generally, it ties in with the difficulty making friends as an adult. Attractiveness concerns could tie into that, but I can’t say for sure.

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  • [–] 9 points 6 hours ago

    Worse, there’s often a conclusive reaction of “If that’s the case, you must be doing something wrong”.

    And then, they can't point out anything you're doing wrong! And then, you see tons of men out there who don't clear that low bar, yet have dates and get married (often multiple times). I'm with you, the claim that that's the bar just isn't credible.

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  • [–] 0 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

    Have you tried asking any out on a date or are you just waiting for them to make the first move?

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  • [–] 6 points 7 hours ago (1 child)

    I have! The last time it failed was when someone turned down my date before the day even came up - because I wasn't messaging her often enough in pleading persistence.

    "The worst she can say is no" is not true either. The worst she can say is a vague promise to satiate you until she can leave and ghost you. It's a practice that many women have used to avoid toxic, persistent men. The emotional effect there is akin to "Not only are you not worth it, you look threatening enough based on your height/weight/gender that it's too risky to even reject you directly."

    Honestly, much as it frustrated me when it happened, I completely understand why the practice exists. I'd say I blame toxic manosphere personalities and possessive men for such social patterns ever existing.

    Basically, when I make those comments about the bar being higher, that isn't really making an "ask" of anyone. I acknowledge women spend a lot of time and effort on makeup, appearance, clothing, already. Overcoming the anxiety of asking someone out would be a big ask on top of that, it's difficult for either gender. But the attempts from guys, thanks to horrible people and toxic "dating" cultures, have now been emotionally draining too. The situation sucks for everyone now. I just ask that you don't claim solutions to be easy. If they were, people would be achieving them.

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