Another of my pathetic attention seeking rants incoming.

I hate myself, so God damn much. I recently went out and socialised and I know i was just some creepy man with tits. That i acted "weird in the weirdest possible way". I had creepy thoughts (i mean who tf thinks these things??) creepy demeanor creepy everything.

I feel the need to repent, ive already bashed my leg a little, but i think ill start cutting again. Im just so evil, i dont really deserve to live. Im a creature both mentally and physically that should be locked in some dungeon. I should be fucking murdered brutally by some hero.

If i had some moral backbone, i would kill myself knowing that I am someone who should not live. But alas, i dont have the courage. Instead ill just block everyone or something and bed rot until i hopefully starve.

-Minty

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[–] 8 points 4 days ago (3 children)

🫂 youre not a man with tits youre a girl. this sounds a lot like what i went through when i first started trying to be myself socially. idk if it will really help, but what worked for me (very slowly) was reminding myself that other people dont pick apart every little thing that i do the way i do to myself. im sure it went fine, youre just having something like a hangover. it hurts a lot being yourself around people for the first time in years and years. when i started trying to unmask early in my transition i would have a good time in the moment, then spend days ruminating and convincing myself that i did something wrong and everyone hates me now, but that didnt happen. i was just terrified because people actually saw me for once, rather than the mask. it will get easier, i promise. for now just take care of yourself. you did such a good job putting yourself out there like that you deserve a break.

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 4 days ago (2 children)

    Thank you ❤️

    Also thank you for sharing your experience.

    Tha main thing with me is ive had bad experiences of being called weird and stuff, so im not really imagining that im being perceieved in that way. "weird in the weirdest way possible" is a direct quote someone used to describe me.

    That, combined with my intrusive thoughts about doing creepy things (i often put my hands behind my back just in case i do something) so it makes it really hard to not see myself as some predator. I self harm in response to possibly being creepy to deal with the guilt of it. Now that i think of it, theres nothing that i did, these are just as u say hangovers from socialising for me. Noone has actually said i acted badly at all.

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