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So, what do you all like, do to become friends with other trans women? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 day ago by to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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So, I feel like I'm kind of at a huge disadvantage right now when it comes to being a healthy adult, because my experience with transness and neurodivergence has made it essentially impossible to form normal friendships my entire life.

This isn't to vent or anything, that really is just the reality of the situation, and I'm at terms with that. I don't really know what to do about it though, and I feel like I can't be healthy until I find other trans women who I know just gets it. Thing is, I really don't live somewhere with a ton of trans women around, and I don't know if it is appropriate to just expect ones I meet to be friends with me.

I can't imagine I'm that alone in this dilema -- not that I'm glad about that -- and so ** I'm wondering if anyone has developed any tips that would be of benefit to any of us?**

for those who'd like to know what I've tried so far:

Not that I don't try, but so much of my energy is just spent on being out of the house. So far, I'm finding intentional self-grace to be a genuine benefit if I get used to the vulnerability of it (I'm sure you all know this is no small feat). I haven't really gotten so far as making friends this way, but I have gotten farther than probably any other point of my life.

Oh, I also wonder if this will resonate with anyone: is it weird that I am concerned about whether people are attracted to me just because I'm not used to even believing that is a potential thing to be conscious of in an interaction? I feel kind of gross asking myself that, but I seriously don't know if it would even be *irresponsible* to not be considerate of that kind of power dynamic.

I want to point out too, I am glad to worry about these things. These are problems that I am more than happy to deal with if it means being genuinely me,

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[–] 5 points 1 day ago

so what has worked really well for me is just being around other trans fems as much as i can. to start you could go to trans fem specific social stuff if you can find it. its best if its stuff that happens regularly, but going to everything you can is good either way. theres so few of us youll pretty quickly start running into people youve met before, even if you live in a big city with lots of us. more general queer events are also good, there will just be a lot more than just trans fems. once youre there just be open to talking with people and be yourself.

i spent a really long time with no friends as an adult so i had to relearn how to make friends this past year after starting transitioning. my general advice is that making friends is about spending time with people and figuring out who you want to spend more time with, then giving them the opportunity to spend more time with you. going to trans fem and queer events gets you spending time with people in a low stakes environment where you can get to know them without having to commit to one on one time or the effort of scheduling time with someone. if you vibe with someone you could offer them some means of contacting you, or just wait and see if you run into each other again. once you have some way of communicating you could invite them to other events youre planning to go to or would like to go to, or to do an activity together, or whatever. its ok if not everyone likes you, someone wont no matter what you do, so try to be your real self to some extent and see who you vibe with. there will be people who vibe with you as long as youre being genuine.

you can do it. i know because i did it and i was literally terrible at making friends before. good luck 😊

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