Sounds to me like your both overwhelmed anُd tired. Also sounds like you both need to work on good commnication skills and accepting each other for who they are. Finally slowing down and taking the time for all this. Keep in mind you both may have some habits that do not play well together and try to recognize those and make other choices. If you cannot do it alone then counceling.

My wife and I have been together for 30 years. One pattern we have is that we are similar people and both very capable and independent which is good but we are also not good at asking for help on one hand and on the other we can find ourselves compartmentalizing the other out too in times if stress. This is just an example. We have few others too that we know about.

What keeps us together? We fundamentally care about each other and we enjoy each other's company when we actually take the time.