I grew up Southern Baptist. A friend of mine got married to a marginally Catholic dude and the seating arrangement was that the Baptist-affiliated people were on one side of the room and the non-Baptist types on the other. There was a bar(wine and beer) and for those who don’t know, Southern Baptists have a pretty strong anti-alcohol stance.

My friend, the bride, sat me and my then-girlfriend with THE church lady. I grew up with this woman and she was the type to moralize and talk shit about everyone. So I’m like “I need a drink” and get up and cross the room to grab a beer for me and my girlfriend. I’m like the only person from the Baptist side to do this.

I sit back down and proceed to squeeze a lime into my Corona beer. Church lady pulls a full Sheila Broflowski “what what WHAT?!?” on me. “What is that?!” she asks with eyes super wide.

“This,” I say without looking at her as I squeeze my lime, “is a Corona with lime.”

Her draw is fully agape.

“Calm down, Debbie,” one of the cool-aunt types from my old church says, “he’s 21 and a beer is no big deal.”