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I really did try everything (thelemmy.club)
submitted 3 days ago by [M] to c/transmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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[–] 47 points 2 days ago* (9 children)

Had this same problem with a friend I saw some four months after I had figured out I'm trans.

"Are you sure?"

"Maybe you are actually __"

"Have you not thought even for a while that you might be wrong? I recommend you think about that possibility!"

"You are okay as you are."

"You don't need to feel dysphoria."

"You're always being so radical, is this just about you hating men? You should not hate men."

He seemed hellbent on asking every infantilizing question anyone has ever invented about trans people. That was one very very very strenuous "conversation"!

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  • [–] 35 points 2 days ago (3 children)

    Cripes. "you don't need to feel dysphoria" is right up there with asking a depressed person "Have you tried not being sad".

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  • [–] 13 points 2 days ago (2 children)

    ...oh. i initially read that as "you don't need to feel dysphoria [to be trans]" and wasn't sure what the problem was.

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  • [–] 9 points 2 days ago

    Sounds like the outline of a letter:

    "I enjoyed seeing you, but I feel like I spent so much of our time together defending myself and my choices that it was only afterwards that I started realizing something about our conversation.

    Are you sure you're the gender you're trying so hard to express yourself as? Maybe you're actually a lot more like me than you let yourself imagine. Maybe that's why you feel you need to change me.

    You're very determined to direct my life path, but have you not thought even for a while that you might be wrong? Maybe even wrong about your own? I recommend you think about that possibility! As a trans woman I don't need to feel dysphoria anymore, I know my gender and embrace it. I'm not just okay, I'm pretty perfect, and so much better than I was before. So if you want to stay as you are, I won't judge you, but perhaps you could try to be happy for me instead of jealous.

    You’re always being so transphobic, is this just about you hating women? Hating trans people? Hating me? Or hating your own dysphoria? Whatever it is, your misogyny is keeping you from being a whole person."

    (Of course this is just me having thoughts over here on the internet, not telling you to say or do anything. You're pretty perfect as you are.)

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  • [–] 5 points 2 days ago (2 children)

    I guess my brain just doesn't work like that. My first reaction would be to just - believe it! And if I knew the person well enough, I might ask questions because I'm insatiably curious like that.

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  • [–] 5 points 2 days ago (1 child)

    Yeah. He absolutely had to help me by telling me how to live my life. And somehow assuming that he knows a lot about a subject he has never had to personally encounter before and that I have not come to think in the last few months of any of the things he conjured within 30 minutes.

    I mean, he was clearly motivated by a will to be helpful. But yeah, the result was just ridiculous. And I don't think I'll be bothering to spend time in his company all that much in the future. A will to help in order to get a good feeling for having helped is one thing, a will to help in order to make someone else's life better is another thing.

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  • [–] 3 points 2 days ago

    You didn't ask him to help you find out if you were trans, you were telling him because already knew! It's incredibly invalidating to tell a person something about yourself and them have them question it, like they know you better than you do.

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