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[–] 17 points 6 days ago (1 child)

Business speak is just a polite wrapper around needing to be rude.

"Let's table this" - shut up, your point is irrelevant

"We'll circle back" - I want to end this stupid meeting but unfortunately we'll have to talk about it again later.

"We have to synergize" - If you two teams don't start playing nice together, I'm going to sell the whole company.

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  • [–] 12 points 6 days ago

    "Let's continue this discussion offline." - It would be rude of me to call you an idiot in front of this many people.

    "Is there any progress on this item?" - You forgot about this, didn't you?

    "What are your blockers?" - What the fuck is taking so long?

    "My calendar is project-heavy right now. / I don't have the bandwidth for that." - I don't have time for that bullshit.

    "Yeah, I think I'm beginning to understand the issue..." - ... and the issue is that you're a fucking idiot.

    "Your concerns have been noted. / Thank you for sharing your opinion." - Fuck you. I don't give a fuck. Shut the fuck up.

    "This is off to a great start!" - This fucking sucks. This better not be finished.

    "I'm going to direct you to [person] on that issue." - Take it up with them, I don't give a fuck.

    "Looks good to me!" - I didn't read that shit.

    I've been in corporate too long.

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