Grandpa still got it (thelemmy.club)
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by [M] to c/Revenge@sopuli.xyz
 

LOCKED: people are getting too heated over a silly meme

go to s/parenting if you want to have a serious conversation about parenting

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[–] 1 point 1 day ago (3 children)

the problem is, how many times does he have to ask for it to happen? Why should he have to beg the child to assist in the house? Does the child not benefit from all that is around them including having a phone paid for?

So why does he need to ask over and over again?

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  • [–] 36 points 1 day ago

    Because the parents haven't helped the child understand that being part of a family is being part of a team, and that the kid should help their team.

    That said, it is hard. Kids, just like adults, get tired and don't wanna do things. Gotta be patient and make achievable goals for them to help with. Start small.

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  • [–] 15 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Because the flip side of expecting a kid to contribute is being required to teach how to do it and the habits to actually do it.

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  • [+] -18 points 1 day ago (4 children)

    Kids are not going to learn how to do things out of logic, empathy and understanding..... they're kids... they're dumb and selfish. They learn the habits through self-interested rewards, like getting a phone back.

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  • [–] 10 points 1 day ago (2 children)

    I forgot that you can't teach kids, and that what you have to do is just let them realize the personal utility of proactively emptying the dishwasher.
    You should just have kids, never teach them anything and get irritated at them when they don't figure out how to do things when you want.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago

    Thank you.

    You should just have kids, never teach them anything and get irritated at them when they don't figure out how to do things when you want.

    That is exactly how I learned how to feel guilt and shame instead of how to cook and clean.

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  • [–] -2 points 1 day ago (2 children)

    You people, who obviously don't have kids, are insufferable. How do you think teaching works? You just tell a kid something and then boom, its learned?

    When you went to school, did the teacher just tell you things and then you perfectly understood them and remembered it? Or did you have exercises, practices, tests, projects.... ya know things to do to apply and possibly fail at?

    Because most people, especially children, domt learn things by just telling them. They domt get it. Until they can relate to it personally. Its the whole "dont touch the stove" part of learning.

    You people obviously live in some fantasy or are complete morons. Take your pick.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 day ago

    I have kids, they help cook and clean, they're beautiful and I don't abuse them.

    They have perfect grades, and don't have any trouble with authority. They understand that their teachers work for them as much as they work for their teachers.

    Unfortunately, it seems not everyone on this earth can be smart and capable. I am very fortunate to be both and have children who are both as well.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 day ago

    You people, who obviously don't have kids, are insufferable.

    Not as insufferable as people who actively defend child abuse. There is a reason I chose not to have kids. There are too many victims already.

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  • [–] 17 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    No they're not, and no they don't:

    https://childmind.org/article/when-should-you-come-between-a-teenager-and-her-phone/

    One of the basic rules of effective discipline is to make any punishment related to the misbehavior. “If your child violates curfew, taking away the phone is completely unrelated to that behavior,” says Dr. Peters. “You’re not connecting with the kid. You are making them feel bad, which you think is helping them learn, but in fact is helping them learn to be sneaky or learn that you are the punisher.”

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  • [–] -3 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    You can teach children, but not like that and not immediately. While chores should be done. So at first it's fine to force a chore.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 day ago (2 children)

    Unless it is to save a life or avoid grievous harm, force is unacceptable.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago (1 child)
  • [–] 1 point 1 day ago (1 child)

    Yes. Using physical force to coerce or restrain a child who is not posing a threat to anybody is abuse.

    https://fountainofyouthbath.com/can-a-person-be-forced-to-taie-a-shower/

    "Potential Consequences of Forcing Hygiene":

    Increased anxiety or distress in the individual.

    Potential for trauma, particularly if the person feels violated or disrespected.

    Damaged relationships, as the individual may feel resentment towards those enforcing the action.

    Community backlash if the enforcement is viewed as abusive or overly controlling.

    Forcing someone into a shower may lead to slips and falls, especially in vulnerable populations.

    Potential for the individual to develop aversions to hygiene practices due to negative associations.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 day ago* (1 child)

    (it wasn't me, who downvoted your comment, just in case)

    Are those consequences from AI?

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  • [–] 0 points 1 day ago

    (it wasn't me, who downvoted your comment, just in case)

    I've been getting a lot of those on my comments here. As far as I can tell, it's mostly entitled parents who can't acknowledge how their selfish choices have created a living hell for their children.

    Are those consequences from AI?

    They were allegedly written by Joshua Wilkinson, who has a bio at the end of the article and in the "about" page of the website, but he did not cite his sources. I am unsure how to verify that he is real or that he didn't use AI to write the article.

    I tried to find a study specifically about long-term consequences of being forced to bathe as a child, but found none. Apparently forced bathing is a kink for some people, and "forest bathing" is also a thing, both of which might be polluting the results of my query. But maybe there is nothing to find, no study conducted on the topic yet.

    The closest I could find is a study about forcing children to endure medical treatment:

    https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0969733019833128#bibr3-0969733019833128/

    But it's a qualitative study that seems to focus more on the caregivers than the patients, and it is behind a paywall.

    Personally, I don't think it's a stretch to say that forcing a child to do anything, even something good for them like getting vaccinated, can be stressful or even traumatic. In the case of bathing, it's something that might happen repeatedly, even daily.

    I did not enjoy baths as a kid. They took too much time. My mother chose to give me rag baths sometimes instead of a full bath, but sometimes she would scrub aggressively to vent her frustration. Looking back, maybe she was trying to get me to choose the full bath. It didn't help that we had five people and one bathroom, so by the time I was done filling the tub and bathing there was almost certainly someone waiting at the door.

    Obviously, that is anecdotal. But I believe forcing a child to bathe is harmful. My parents were southern baptists, authoritative and violent. I have many problems, but am feeling noticeably better since cutting contact with them. I have therapy next week.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 day ago

    Mine just want to help, and I've been told early on that most kids are like that. Let them help when they want to help, even if they're making your task harder, and they'll happily do it when they're actually capable.

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  • [–] -5 points 1 day ago (3 children)
  • [–] 9 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Cleaning up the dishes from a meal you ate but did not put anything into isn’t being a fucking slave.

    Do your chores

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  • [+] -10 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    I simply said "children aren't slaves," and you took that personally.

    Do your own chores, you chose to make the mess.

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  • [–] 5 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Then cook your own food. You sound exactly like the spoiled little bitch kids that my friends raise with the same attitude. Worst kids I’ve ever seen. They’re gonna have a hard life when they hit adulthood and realize they actually have to do things for themselves.

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  • [–] -3 points 1 day ago

    Then cook your own food.

    I do. I buy it, I cook it, and I clean up after myself, no dishwasher. It's difficult because I associate these chores with guilt and punishment because my parents were also authoritarian and abusive.

    You sound exactly like the spoiled little bitch kids that my friends raise with the same attitude. Worst kids I’ve ever seen.

    You sound unhinged.

    They’re gonna have a hard life when they hit adulthood and realize they actually have to do things for themselves

    They almost certainly already have a hard life. Stupid, selfish parents don't consider how much pain they're passing along by creating life they can't care for in a society that expects us all to work to death while the planet burns around us.

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  • [–] 6 points 1 day ago (1 child)
  • [+] -6 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Neither are parents.

    They chose the circumstances, they chose to reproduce. The child did not choose to be born.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 day ago* (1 child)

    Does that mean that a child is absolved of any chores they don't like?

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  • [–] 1 point 1 day ago

    Generally, yes. Children should have autonomy over their own selves. The challenge for parents is to teach children why chores are worth doing and how to do them without feeling like work or punishment. If parents are not up for that challenge, they probably should not have kids.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 day ago (1 child)

    Does the kid also say this if it comes to clean up the gear in the sports club?

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  • [–] -3 points 1 day ago

    Does the kid also say this if it comes to clean up the gear in the sports club?

    Good question. If the child chooses to join a sports club, presumably they are expected to clean the equipment. If they don't like that, they can choose to leave the club or even get kicked out depending on how many times it happens and the club's policies, which are presumably written somewhere.

    The child did not choose to be born. They have to follow orders under threat of punishment. If they don't like it, they can't legally leave. There is no written contract, parents can set and change expectations arbitrarily. It's a very different situation.

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