Real, still struggling, even right now~!
Very emotional vent
It's tough having learnt instincts to not reach out so you basically become the silent invisible one that only shows up when something that required someone showed up. Like, when I was in highschool, there was tons of group projects and partner activities that I was just dragged to by whoever was closest to me (sometimes it was a friend, but they too departed from me once they found more neurotypical people) and when eventually, people just.. stop talking to me, or I'm unable to keep a conversation going they just... go.
Like, even now, but especially before, a liberal atmosphere permeates, in the sense that they hold both progressive opinions (anti-corruption, somewhat acceptant of LGBTQIA+) but also conservative opinions (certain internet culture, politics) that make someone like me, who would be the type to logically analyze a situation and provide both a 'this is from my logical thinking' side and 'here's what I found curious / emotionally driving' side.
I.. realized that I couldn't contribute to anyone's issues emotionally because I had plenty and I couldn't.. say any of it because I prioritised their lives over mine. So, I stuck to being logical, but it gets tiring, and so after years of unstable and insecure relationships and total alienation from the education system as an undiagnosed something, by the end, I didn't feel connected to that school, nor it's students, and I moved on with many many regrets.