Memories of being a kid and my mum telling me to shut up cos i talk too much and slowly being conditioned into someone that never says anything. Then get the opposite problem of people criticising my lack of saying anything and it makes me wish every NT on the planet would explode so I can spend 1 minute of my life not being ruthlessly judged for every single action.

I am too learning to be ok that not everyone will like my real self but this guy at work i literally live rent free in his head and i seem to have people who like viscerally hate me and i didnt really do anything other than exist. Its perturbing to say the least.

With the other adhders i do meet irl conversations with them will ever increase in volume until we’re basically yelling at each other and then once done (after like 4 straight hours) will feel very good and basically fall in love. Its such a consistent handshake its actually kind of scary