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How do you deal with being "sure of yourself"? (lemmy.world)
submitted 3 years ago* by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world
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When questioning your intentions as arrogant, entitled, immature vs confident, moral right, correctness. Or even questioning if the Duning Kruger effect is at play.

What process do you incorporate to back-up your self-judgement or in identifying your decisions/choices are in-fact "correct" in online discussions and/or personal life with friends/family.

How do you remove "self-doubt"?

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[–] 4 points 3 years ago (2 children)

It's important to look at the reactions you get. If what you're saying provokes discomfort or hostility, that's the time to reëxamine what you just said.

And further, when someone disagrees, try to politely ask why. Most people are willing to explain where you fucked up a long as you don't get defensive.

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  • [–] 6 points 3 years ago (1 child)

    This gets a little tricky though, because other people's reactions aren't always a good metric. If multiple people are telling you something, then it's almost certainly pretty pertinent to listen. If only one person is telling you something, it's probably worthwhile to reflect on that in most cases, but you may also want more feedback before you go too deep down that rabbit hole. But this all depends on the people you're around, what kind of criticism/feedback you're receiving, and what's behind the other person's intent for telling you.

    Sometimes we end up in relationships that involve gaslighting and emotional abuse, and it's not always obvious to us. Sometimes, we don't have a strong sense of self and we look outside of ourselves for validation more often than not. Sometimes we interact with people whose internal experience is wildly different from our own.

    IMO, it's important to work on strengthening our egos when they are fragile, and to form our own foundational sense of self from which we can build atop with feedback from others.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 years ago

    Reading other responses, I think maybe I misunderstood OP. I thought she was asking, "Self-assured peeps, how do you self-monitor for arrogance and egotism?", which is where my advice is coming from.

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  • [–] [S] 2 points 3 years ago*

    that’s the time to reëxamine what you just said

    yeah this is definitely hard, I feel like sometimes it is hard to see what caused it. or overthinking on what is it that provoked. and then focusing on probably the wrong causation and then basing everything afterwards on that.

    Genuinely asking, Do you usually ask for clarification even on that or not? I feel it would make it worse, "What did I do, to make you say that just now to me?" I would normally think it comes off as arrogant.

    someone disagrees, try to politely ask why. Most people are willing to explain where you fucked up a long as you don’t get defensive.

    Yeah, the problem is sometimes, the experiences don't match up properly and the explanation will still not fit the reason for disagreement. Navigating past that, is really difficult. Because I feel it then becomes a battle of egos. Because all points on the table, self-included, will not fit the solution. But, I guess maybe in these situations a third party is necessary?

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