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Please stop (thelemmy.club)
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by to c/curatedtumblr@sh.itjust.works
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Editor's note: this is a post about American Independence Day celebrations

existentialmemes

Alright, I'm going to launch explosives around your house. For several hours. Yes it is dangerous and terrible for wildlife and the environment. And yes your pets will get sick from eating the debris and you will feel terrorized inside your own home.

No you can't opt out of it. Everyone is doing it and frankly it's weird that you don't want to.

No you can't be the one launching the explosives you need a license for that. You can however launch these marginally smaller ones though. Yeah just whenever you want. 2am sounds great.

So anyway, fireworks were a mistake and it's never too early to start reminding you of that.

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[–] 6 points 2 months ago (6 children)

On one hand, agreed. On the other hand, all of those Europeans are here for the world cup. I'm absolutely giddy to see their unbridled horror at this shit.

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  • [–] 14 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    American who lives in Denmark now.

    New years here (where anyone can buy mortars and set them off whenever and wherever) makes the 4th of July anywhere I've been in the US feel tame.

    The rest of the year you won't see any fireworks at all. It's like the purge

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  • [–] 8 points 2 months ago

    The Dutch won't bat an eye. Absolute warzone in every city and village over there on NYE. They light fires on street crossings and all the neighbors come out and throw their old furniture on there. The real OGs also do carbide explosions. Did I mention they light fires on street crossings and then all the neighbors come out and toss old furniture on there?

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  • [–] 5 points 2 months ago (1 child)

    On one hand, a firework, on the other...

    I don't have another because I accidentally blew it up because drinking and fireworks go hand in han— nevermind

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  • [–] 3 points 2 months ago*

    This is better with a visual gag element but joke incoming:

    How do you give a redneck a vasectomy? Light a cherry bomb, put it in an empty beer can, give it to them and tell them to count to ten.

    Redneck holding the can in the left hand, starts counting on their right hand. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5....... puts beer can in between legs and continues on their left hand 6, 7, 8, 9, boom.

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