1206
You have a lovely home (thelemmy.club)
submitted 3 months ago by to c/whitepeopletwitter@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 20 points 3 months ago (4 children)

I mean, what if they really need a mommy to take care of them because they never had one, or if they had, she was a POS?

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  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    Well they don't. They need therapy. Don't put that on women.

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  • [+] -7 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    the problem comes from them expecting their partner to be their mommy and also fuck them

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago* (2 children)

    why is that a problem, and it not a problem for a lady to want me to be her daddy and also fuck her?

    and i notice often, those are the same women who whine about men wanting them to be their mommy.

    almost as if all/mostly projection, and anger at the opposite sex for not being fantasy fulfillment objects... and horror of horrors being human beings who are imperfect in almost every way.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago* (1 child)

    i am not talking about dommie mommies. i am talking abt the very real situation many women find themselves in with men who weaponize their incompetence and expect to be cooked for, cleaned after, and have all their emotional labor done for them.

    i saw a study awhile back showing how a woman's attraction to a man falls the more of this they have to do for them. it isnt just me being bitter, i am lucky enough to not be attracted to men at all so i dont have to worry abt this personally

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  • [–] -5 points 3 months ago*

    I'm male. I have found myself in many real situations where women weaponize their incompetence and expect to be cooked for, cleaned after, and have all their emotional labor done for them. The same women who also claimed that they were doing these things for me, when they never did any of those things for themselves, let alone me.

    My dispute wasn't with you. I am simple pointing out how people's descriptions of their relationships are often completely at odds with the reality of the relationship. I had a couple of gfs where the persons friends/parents tried to talk sense into the person, but they persisted in their delusional of persecution and unfairness. But emotionally, their 'truth' was that the one or two times they cooked for me over months/years was 'everyday', even though we saw each other like 3 times a week and they always spend time at my place, and yet somehow it was my fault that their place wasn't clean or something because they were 'cleaning' so much at my place... when they never lifted a finger once.

    But you know what they did do everyday, for me? Complain about how I wasn't doing enough for them, how hard their life was, and how they shouldn't have to work, or clean, or cook, at all ever.

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  • [+] -9 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 child)
    [removed by mod]
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  • [–] 6 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

    Oof, sorry to learn on what you went through. I hope you're in a better situation now.

    I would have imagined part of "growing the fuck up" is forming a support network like a "found family". In this case, taking accountability of yourself means not outsourcing your emotional regulation to other people, but I don't see why having someone's shoulder to cry on is a bad thing if the moment calls for it.

    And I do think it's reasonable for anyone to wish they have a positive parental figure in their life. From what I was reading in support groups of people with abusive childhood backgrounds, they tend to grieve on parents they wish they had (but never got), and it helped them move forward that they have a substitute parent figure to help them stand up on their own.

    Getting back to the original image, the OP seemed to assume by default the straight dude is pathetic because of how he reacted to her house's interior. For all we know, she might have assumed wrong and the dude just likes those things because it jives with his preference.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    Don't mind @NotASharkInAManSuit. Your take is mature and the internet needs more of this :)

    Regarding the image in the OP, complimenting things that you like in another person's house is just good manners. You want others to feel comfortable with hosting you. This woman might also just have been able to do some lovely things with simple artwork and rugs.

    Or.. maybe the guy felt sorry for her, seeing how she clearly lacks decorating skills, so he politely lied. Even though normally, he'd never compliment anyone on a <$70 knife set :-) anyway, it's a shit post

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  • [+] -3 points 3 months ago (2 children)
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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    Dude, you're using the most aggressive language towards others in this whole thread. You're not exactly making a convincing argument that things are as simple as 'growing the fuck up' given how you're refusing to engage in sensitive meaningful conversation.

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  • [+] 0 points 3 months ago (1 child)
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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    I think you're reading things into this thread that aren't there. Nobody is saying women should be forced to mother grown men. You're entirely right that women shouldn't have to bear the brunt of someone else's unresolved childhood trauma.

    But there's a massive difference between expecting a partner to fix you and simply seeking a support network from other people. And your partner is a natural part of that.

    Expecting people to just "grow the fuck up" by sheer willpower ignores everything we know about psychology and trauma recovery. It's counter productive. If someone is struggling with an abusive past, telling them to wipe their own ass doesn't help. Instead, point them toward resources like therapy, support groups, or journaling. These actually do help.

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