I don't know, man, at least you've had long lasting meaningful relationships. I have had peace, but never got to make a family. I figure, whatever you do in life it evens out more or less in the end. There's about as much happiness for everyone in a run. Maybe someday I might luck out and meet the woman of my dreams. We'll get a house, get married, have kids, a family together and a good life. But if that doesn't pan out, there's always hookers and cocaine.