A Boring Dystopia

hideshow 18 child comments

[–] kuhli@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 5 months ago (3 children)

For me the getting to know you was chatting on the app, I chatted with my now fiance for a few weeks before we actually met up at a restaurant, I felt like I knew him well enough that a restaurant was fine

hideshow 3 child comments

parent

[–] Longmactoppedup@aussie.zone 3 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Glad it worked out for you.

But I can't help but wonder what if when you met in person it wasn't what you were expecting?

Would it have felt like a waste of texting effort?

parent

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 0 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 child)

all dating is a waste of effort. some people get lucky, some people just go on endless dates that go on where, or get into relationships that go no where.

if you find a LTR or get married or whatever, you're not dating anymore.

parent

hideshow 1 child comment

[–] hark@lemmy.world 1 point 5 months ago

but without that "waste of effort" they wouldn't have gotten that long term relationship or marriage.

parent

[–] Bluescluestoothpaste@sh.itjust.works 2 points 5 months ago (2 children)

No, you're right. People don't date for relationships, maybe some think they are, but really it's just having a dinner experience and potentially getting laid and moving on.

parent

[–] Longmactoppedup@aussie.zone 2 points 5 months ago* (1 child)

The mainstream apps owned by match group as well as bumble appear to have a lot of people like you describe. I am sure there are decent people on there also, it's just the signal to noise ratio sucks, as well as the whole gamified bullshit of the apps themselves. I uninstalled Tinder/hinge/bumble not long after trying them and I have no plans to return. I suspect people who would put up with the way tinder functions are the same people who would put up with forced ads on their phone and smart tv etc. I would not be a good fit for people like that.

I've had a lot of success on less mainstream apps by simply being honest about what I'm looking for (ENM / casual ongoing) and have found many with the same views.

parent

hideshow 1 child comment

[–] Bluescluestoothpaste@sh.itjust.works 1 point 5 months ago

They're decent people, they're just falling into the trap of seeing an ad and thinking it can help them. Of course, the ads are just designed to extract as much cash as possible from you but that's our culture i guess.

parent

[+] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 1 point 5 months ago

[deleted]

parent

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world -3 points 5 months ago* (9 children)

going for a coffee or a walk was never a popular thing to do on a dating app. it only ever was during the pandemic when everyone had to be outside

going for a drink or dinner or an activity, was. all my first dates are drinks, movies, food.

it's just that going out 5-10 years ago was cheap, now it's expensive. but that's true of everything.

hideshow 9 child comments

parent

[–] jaykrown@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago (8 children)

A movie seems like a terrible idea for a first date, you spend all that time watching the movie instead of actually focusing on each other. Coffee is one of the best things to do.

hideshow 8 child comments

parent

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 0 points 5 months ago (7 children)

it's actually good, because you have a shared expereince to talk about after.

you don't watch the movie and go home. you TALK about the movie.

hideshow 7 child comments

parent

[–] zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 5 points 5 months ago (3 children)

So the first date is like a 3 to 4 hour affair minimum? Coffee can be as short as an hour, and I can dip after 15 if it's not going well. Much more time efficient

hideshow 3 child comments

parent

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 0 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

No? It's like an 2-3 hours. Most movies that aren't marvel movies are like 90m long, then you chat for an hour over a drink or food. then you go home.

i dunno where you live, but most restaurants/bars here are very fast because they are tryign to turn over customers as much as possible. most coffee shops have a 15-20m seating limit now too. you can't just order 1 coffee and sit there 2 hours and if you spend 2 hours for a single drink the wait staff will ask you to leave.

parent

[–] zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 months ago (1 child)

Average feature film length has been 120 minutes since the 2000's, and it's been trending upwards since then. Even if the movie is only 90 minutes though, you're still gonna be in the theater for at least two hours anyways, between standing in line for popcorn/snacks/drinks and sitting through previews. And if you're gonna follow up with a drink or food anyways, you could just... skip the movie lol

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to police people's first dates, and if both parties want to go see a movie and get a drink after, great. In today's dating ecosystem though, for the majority of people, the prospect of sitting in a dark room with a near stranger for 90-120 minutes is uncomfortable, and usually not a very good first date idea.

parent

hideshow 1 child comment

[+] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 0 points 5 months ago*

[removed by mod]

parent

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 1 point 5 months ago (2 children)

The person you're dating doesn't interest you?

parent

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

most people I meet are not interesting, no.

But that's why you go on the date, to see if they are interested or not. And one way to do that is to see how they react to a shared experience. Or you find out they hate what you love.

parent

[–] northface@lemmy.ml 2 points 5 months ago*

Cold talk and starting a conversation with someone you never met is not a natural skill for everyone; myself included - I am extrovert when being around people I know or people someone who is with me knows, but shut as a clam when with strangers.

Doing something together that you can talk about to get to know each other's preferences and what you picked up from the experience is a great way to break the ice.

I particularily enjoy going to a museum, theatre or music concert on a date, and try to suggest something I haven't seen or heard before.