YarrMatey comments on Banned from 20 communities, no explaination

[–] YarrMatey@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (5 children)

My only guess is that about a month before I got banned for saying, (and I am sorry and I really am not trying to hurt anyone and I'm not invalidating anyone's existence)
Is that "nonbinary" is not the most accurate term for people because it, seems to me, to imply that gender is binary. The offensive part is because I think it's popular because the concept of "binary" is popular... (I'm a programmer, I love binary).
It's not like, a big deal to me or anything, I just think there's a better term out there or waiting to be made. non-gendered or something makes more sense but doesn't sound as cool...
I stated my opinion indelicatly and I get why my post was removed... But not being called transphobic or banned from that com for life because I questioned the temporary ban, and then a month later 20 more comms like I'm a Nazi just trying to harass people or something.

I read your removed comment on your modlog and it seems the community did not want you to start a debate and flame war about gender identities. I can understand since nonbinary is not a "futuristic" sounding name that they chose to sound "cool", they are people who are not men or women, but very much do have genders. The nonbinary umbrella is quite large and full of genders. Your comment seemed like you only see man and women as valid genders while nonbinary are seen as nongendered to you, do you see how that comes across? Nonbinary people do have genders, that is why nongendered does not fit at all. They should be the ones to choose their name. From what you said about questioning the ban, it may have been beneficial to listen to them. No matter how close you are to the trans community, you can still make mistakes and say transphobic things. Even women themselves can be misogynistic. But hopefully you can learn from this and improve, we can all improve. I only brought this up as it seems to be relevant to the ban from this post.

Edit: forgot to mention agender matches the term you want to use, nongendered. Nonbinary is not necessarily agender.

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[–] ozymandias@sh.itjust.works [S] 5 points 6 months ago (4 children)

What? No no.
It's honestly not the hill I'm trying to die on here.
I'm saying gender IS NOT binary, so to say "I'm nonbinary" seems to me, to assert that it normally is.
But there are ultra macho men, effeminate men, "tomboy" type women, girly girls, a whole spectrum in between... I mean it's not even one dimensional. In some cultures there are three or more genders even...
That's all I'm saying... I'm probably entirely wrong and that's fine I have no desire to argue with anyone and everyone who identifies as nonbinary are definitely valid people, some are my friends, they have every right to indentify that despite my linguistic musings.
That's my whole thing I'm done with the topic on Lemmy.
I do understand why people are sensitive about it and I definitely don't want to hurt anyone's feelings... I wish I hadn't upset anyone.
...
The mod who banned me did so a month after that comment, it was just my best guess.
They gave no real reason. Just the extremely generic "whataboutism" and transphobia.. and the only time I've ever been called transphobic.
...
Calling me, in particular, transphobic is pretty offensive. I don't see why it's okay to call everyone extreme insults like that...

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[–] YarrMatey@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (3 children)

In that case, you completely fumbled your comments (it does sound transphobic). But as I said, you can improve from this. Saying what you said instead that you think gender should not be considered a binary between men or women, and cutting out the rest, would be an improvement and open dialogue.

Edit: just to be clear, I am not calling you a transphobe. I think there was a miscommunication with your removed comment and it is why I tried to clear that up.

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i feel like “non gendered” or something is more appropriate than “non binary” and people just latch onto the term because “binary” sounds all futuristic and information age. and before someone explains binary: “there are 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary and those who don’t” i mean, people are free to associate however they want, it just feels a little forced to me.

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[–] ozymandias@sh.itjust.works [S] 3 points 6 months ago (2 children)

Dude what's the point of quoting that 2 month old comment again?
Yes I get that I miscommunicated, thats why I clarified for the final time.
If you read all of the words I said its clear im not saying that gender is binary anyways.

"i feel like"
"or something is more appropriate than".
"people are free to associate however they want, it just feels a little"

It's pretty clear that I'm not being transphobic, not making claims of fact but I'm talking about terminology and my feelings about words.

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

I saw the guy spamming shit about how "if a person doesn't like the clothing pattern assigned to their genitalia that's mental illness" and I get that there are monsters on the internet (I don't think he believes that but was just trying to upset people)
but that's not a good reason to assume the worst and treat people monsterously.

That mod accusing me of transphobia and whataboutism isn't just wrong, but it's monsterous. It's intentionally hurtful.

You felt that but then tried to understand and communicate. That I appreciate.
I understand that I shouldn't approach politically charged topics cavalierly or I'll be misunderstood.
Wasn't even tangentially related to whataboutism for the record.

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[–] YarrMatey@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 6 months ago (1 child)

If you read all of the words I said its clear im not saying that gender is binary anyways.

It's pretty clear

It was not clear... not to me and others too it seems. I quoted your removed comment because I was so confused. But I think we've already gone over that misunderstanding. Your modlog is public, and is usually what this community looks at, but I get the feeling it has reopened that wound, for that I am sorry. I have said things wrong as well and take the L from them, and learn from them. We are not perfect. Your explanations here were much better, thank you for explaining. I try not to be intentionally hurtful, but even I fail at that.

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[–] ozymandias@sh.itjust.works [S] 3 points 6 months ago

It's a weird thing but I think a lot of it has to do with the tone of voice you read it in, in your head... If I said those exact same words outloud it wouldn't be an issue
I've had it a lot where I say something plainly in a text but if there's any disagreement, people think I'm fighting with them.
So much is lost without facial expressions and intonation... and that's something I could do much better with, especially when talking about things people feel very personal about.
And especially if they've been feeling threatened over it by large swaths of society.

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