I understand why you’d feel that way. As far as we know though it doesn’t look like you’d get to find out if she did or not. I suspect she would! Bad parenting can still be well intended with really poor execution.

More importantly, I suspect others would miss you.

And the main thing that has kept me un-un-aliving is the research showing how (1) those who attempt it, most often regret it and (2) that an objectively life-changing decision is being made on impulse. Think long term if you can friend.