But to call someone a narcissist when they exhibit the traits of a narcissist is ableist and a slur despite the difficulties, impact and similarities that people who are alcoholics and narcissists both share?

No, I think calling someone a narcissist when you have a strong understanding of the medical meaning is okay, and I wouldn't consider it a slur in those cases. As you'll see in the other threads, I took issue with someone describing neurotypical behaviour as narcissistic.

at its core it's an inability to control one's behaviours or actions as a result of a condition usually caused by outside conditions?

No, that's not the core of NPD. The core of NPD is lack of healthy ego development. This results of struggles with self esteem and relating to others. Most commonly by creating a false ego which needs to be bigger than a regular one because it's brittle and breaks easily.

People perceive NPD as being a disorder of bad behaviour for two reasons. First: Ableist stereotypes spread by self help books and hateful people. Second: When a narcissist's false ego is destroyed they become completely unable to function as a person, overcome with suicidal grief, and so many narcissists will go to great lengths to protect their egos out of a desire to live, even in situations where that trauma response isn't correct or helpful.

So I do get what it's like to see people talk about someone with a condition I have in the way you've described and it hurts, "oh they have BPD" followed by "oh that explains it" and that pisses me off hugely so I get it must hurt when people with NPD see someone flippantly calling someone a narcissist.

Thank you. Am I also correct to assume that when you see anti-BPD hate speech, you feel a dread in the pit of your stomach that this speech is going to embolden someone to abuse a borderline?

But if you honestly care about bringing the conversation around slurs/ableism and how we use words like narcissist to this community to educate, maybe try and build up some rep by not being a argumentative belligerent individual and kicking off so that people take you seriously when you have a decent point?

I'm nonbinary. People think having emotions and opinions is belligerent behaviour when it comes from enbies. The patriarchy expects us to be demure, submissive sex objects. And I refuse to follow that gender role. I speak with the same boldness as an average male, because I think enbies and males deserve the same rights.