this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2023
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I'm working on teaching the significant how to cook... It's difficult at times because he thinks I'm being overbearing at times when, no, if you do it that way you risk slicing your fingers off. Please, you worry me
As someone who has been on the other end of this: He's not three years old. He has lived a long time without slicing his fingers off. Give him space for his own trial and error. It's quite possible that you don't know the best way to do every thing, and you might even learn something new. We learn by experimenting.
I ended up feeling that my SO had no trust in me and that there was no freedom to do anything my way, which took all the fun out of it. I'm divorced and hate cooking now.
But also he's never cooked before, so genuinely doesn't know how to not be unsafe doing certain things. For example, he was using the tip of the blade to cut things with his fingers splayed out everywhichway. Sorry but I'm going to show him how to be safe. It's difficult to let him go through "trial and error" when "error" means a trip to the er
I realize you are concerned about safety, but nearly everybody in the world does fine on their own without the help of a partner to rescue them from cutting their fingers off. If you don't trust your partner to navigate some risk you are infantilizing him and undermining his feeling that you trust him. It can cause long-term damage to your relationship.
If you need to guide him, try to give praise when he does things right. It will likely be more effective and less damaging.
I don't know how you've seen nobody in the world that has cut their fingers or their hand while using a knife. There are millions of people who use dull knives because they believe they're safer. Just because you haven't hurt yourself yet doesn't mean you're not introducing unnecessary risk. I've helped two or three people learn how to cook, and all of them have come millimeters from slicing the tips of their fingers off at one point or another by pressing down on a knife with their fingers curled under the tip. I keep my knives deadly sharp, so a slip is a lost finger. You may not even realize you've cut yourself. As long as you're using them properly, they're safer.
Sure, you may go a decade or two with unsafe knife practices and be totally fine. Survivorship bias is a hell of a drug, though.
I trust him to be competent in things he's knowledgeable on, but for things he's rarely done I'll offer assistance if I know a bit more, and I expect the same from him. There's zero shame in not knowing how to do something. I WANT to be corrected when I'm wrong or being unsafe. I don't understand how anyone could want anything else.
I went thru something like this with an ex. What I did was just did it the proper way and she imitated it. That way it wasn't me telling her how to do something it was her looking at what I was doing and deciding I had the right idea. Stole (yes meta) this technique from the man who taught me basic cooking.
People naturally want to be competent and will emulate success. If you tell them that they are wrong they will dig in their heels. If you show them how to be right they will copy without losing face.
I try not to take over, just note how certain ways of doing things introduce unnecessary risk. If someone just copied something, they may take unsafe shortcuts later if they don't know why it's done a certain way
Good on you. It's not easy. Thank you for taking the time to do that.