Fucking spot on. I feel this way about most of my disorders, except ASD. My ASD is a part of me, though it does have its downsides.

The ADHD is the most significant, though. If I could just remove this anchor from my brain, my quality of life would skyrocket. I don't find it a "superpower" at all. I am not exaggerating when I say that it has stolen my childhood and early adulthood, and from the outside it looks like laziness or a lack of discipline. Solidarity.

The mourning for what could have been, that's a heavy weight. And the shame of not being enough for others expectations. I've been very lucky in that I found something to study with enough structure and novelty that got me through college, but it was not what I started out with. I didn't even realize about the ADHD until the depression got bad enough to seek help in my 30s (after a year of not working and somebody helping me to make my first appointment) and the psych noticed all my coping mechanisms fit. She got me assessed and medicated. That came with its own challenges, but it made a world of difference in my relationships, my hobbies, self care, etc. That would be my biggest recommendation if you're not already, to get on meds (also, apologies if you're just looking to vent and not for advice). It won't fix everything or give you back what you've lost, but it can make things more manageable. And if you're like so many others that can't afford to seek professional help, then many find some relief with nicotine and caffeine.

As someone diagnosed with ADHD, I can easily sit quietly in a room with my own thoughts for 20+ minutes.

What I can’t seem to do is make the two simple phone calls I need to make and write the one page report that I need to write before the end of the week. That’s literally all I need to do today, I’ve been at my desk for two hours and have done none of it. If I got that done now, I could coast the rest of my work day but instead I’m going to sit here and stress for a few more hours before I finally do any of it. Why? I can’t tell you because I don’t know.

The symptoms of ADHD happen to be things all people deal with. The inability to pay attention to things, or the restlessness of a quiet room are universal experiences. In that part you are kind of right. However ADHD specifically refers to the actual clinical deficit in executive function representing a chemical difference in the brain. Saying "Everyone has a little ADHD" is just a condescending way to put it. Different people may have different levels of annoyance with the phrase.

Everyone gets sad, not everyone has depression. Everyone worries, not everyone has General Anxiety Disorder. Everyone has pains sometimes, not everyone has Chronic Pain.

The sentiment isnt necessarily wrong, and the colloquial meaning still comes across, but it's just degrading to hear. I hate hearing someone call out a disorder as one of their quirks as much as the next guy, but more than being mildly annoying it can stand to change the perception of the thing in the public consciousness enough that someone that has a disorder might believe they are just making a big deal out of something that "everyone" deals with. Whether intended or not just keep that in mind.

(TLDR I have ADHD please don't minimize it by saying stuff like "lol computers destroy attention span", you're not wrong, just condescending.)

Christ, that is a trite oversimplification or complete misunderstanding. ADHD includes worse outcomes in employment (lower wages, difficulty keeping jobs), relationships (impulsivity can lead to anything from speaking before processing to forgetting plans to seeking out more stimulating things in lieu of relationships), health (higher rates of car accidents, higher use of recreational drugs, difficulty with self care), and a bunch of other things. It doesn't "develop" over time from looking at your phone. Please please please do some actual reading of things by experts in the field on it before saying this sort of thing again.

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, either you're born with it or you're not. Sure, lots of things fight for our attention and that probably affects us in some way, but distractability isn't the same thing as ADHD. It's primarily a regulation disorder rather than 'can't focus disease'. Where I think you bring up a good point in a mechanism that probably reveals ADHD in some people, I would definitely give pushback on what appears to be a suggestion that the advertising industry as it exists causes ADHD. I don't think any serious psychological professional would make that assertion.