this post was submitted on 17 Sep 2025

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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works

Anon dates a 19 y/o (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 1 year ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works [M] to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

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[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 25 points 1 year ago (22 children)

I'm 54 and most of the people I know are in their early 20s. We get along great and have plenty to talk about.

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[–] mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 1 year ago* (6 children)

Yeah, I’m in my mid 30’s and my best friend is nearing 50. His oldest child is the same age as my younger brother. Believe it or not, people can have common interests that aren’t entirely reliant on their age.

Though I will say that age becomes less relevant as you get older… A 29 year old dating a 19 year old is pretty universally creepy, but few people would say the same about a 49 year old dating a 39 year old. Same age gap, but it’s assumed that the 39 year old has enough life experience to actually make their own decisions. Even in my mid-20’s, I was looking at 19 year olds as if they were literal children. There’s a lot of maturing that happens in the late teens and early 20’s.

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[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 child)

You mean in the late 20's and early 30's. Not a lot of maturing until 25.

Edit: this assumes middle-european living and cultural conditions.

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[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 3 points 1 year ago

That depends on a lot of factors, e.g. whether they go to college or start working or doing trades directly after highschool.

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[–] mineralfellow@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Half your age + 7 is a reasonable formula for determining creep factor.

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[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 1 point 1 year ago (2 children)

No, a 19 year old dating a 16 year old is still creepy.

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[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 2 points 1 year ago (1 child)

The age it lands on is always the grey area age. If youre 19 dating someone 16.5 thats weird but 17.5 most wouldn't bat an eye at.

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[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 1 point 1 year ago

I mean, maybe 17.5 and 18+, idk about 19. What's the brain difference between some six months of people? You could have been in a perfectly fine relationship before also.

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[–] neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Sure, but there's a difference between hanging out with some 20 year olds, and being romantically involved with them.

The latter requires a hell of a lot of maturity and being in a similar place in life to deal with things life throws at you. The former just requires laughing at some meme together you both find funny.

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[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Lol I got downvoted for saying the same shit. Glad I'm not the only one who can see this.

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[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Agreed! But we had solid conversations, deep and involved. I was astonished at how mature and educated they were, forgot what I was like at that age.

I've found papers I wrote for school in my teens, thought, "Oh boy, this is gonna be some bullshit." Read them and was surprised at my understanding of the world!

Guess my point is, I will never undersell the youth, not ever again. Dating someone half my age, meh, can't really see it, but I do see it as possible for some.

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[–] neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's fair, and I would never say that youth are idiots or shouldn't be listened to. That's not true at all, I think they can have many valuable things to contribute to society, the conversation, the world, etc.

I'm strictly speaking about them as a romantic partner with such an age gap, especially one that starts when they're 17/18 and the person they're dating is in their 30's or more. Nobody can convince me that that would be an equal relationship for both parties. I've attempted it in my late 20's dating a few 18/19 year olds, and then again attempted it in my mid 30's and it was a significantly worse experience.

They weren't bad people in any way, or stupid, or immature in the pop-culture sense of the word. But the relationship was never going to work out, and it was because no matter which way you slice it, a mid 30's man and a 19 or 20 year old girl are not at the same place in life. If they are, then it's the older person who never grew up and is still behaving like a teenager.

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[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 child)

All agreed! At 52 I considered a relationship with a 26-yo friend. If she didn't have 3 tiny children, maybe? But no, just couldn't see it working. I'd be 80 and her at 54? I'd be robbing her of her youth when she could have had a younger man to share that life with.

Funny enough, my Filipino wife is 6-months older than I, and she was fucking horrified to learn that. Her friends are all married to white dudes 20+ years older. Cultural thing. :)

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[–] neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

Sometimes trading partnership for security is the way people go. I'm not saying it can't work, but it's rare that those partnerships are equal. The power imbalance is on display.

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[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 1 point 1 year ago (3 children)

You don't date though. A lot of people I know are young. Who else tf you going to meet nowadays.

Though I'd date 25+, screw 22+, not younger.

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[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Meh, I won't put strict age limits on sex. Relationships? I can guess what would and wouldn't work for me, but the world is a big place and people are wildly variable.

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[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 1 point 1 year ago (1 child)

Idk man. Isn't screwing someone fresh out of high school a bit creepy? I mean come on, they were considered a kid maybe months ago. It's suspicious if you do that.

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[–] Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

One night stands are just animals fucking basically.

It only gets weird one there's an actual relationship and unbalanced power dynamic going on.

But part of being young is being stupid and fucking something you shouldn't have is basically stupid 101

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[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago* (4 children)

Acquaintances/Friends and "dating" are not the same.

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[–] HalfSalesman@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What if you like having sex with your friends?

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[–] thermal_shock@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Nothing wrong with that, but they're friends. I get a long with coworkers, clients, etc, but inside a romantic relationship is completely different.

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[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 2 points 1 year ago

Then that is really fucking hot.

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[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Only saying, we had far more in common than I had thought. I was replying to someone who said winter/spring relationships are only about physical attraction.

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