This is a really common sentiment. Humans are social apes but many cultures have severely curtailed what kind of touch is considered appropriate.

I highly recommend hanging with cats. When I was younger, I volunteered at a cat rescue. Friendly cats are almost always down to be pet and to rub their furry little faces all over you. It's hard to feel as lonely when you're hanging out with your cat buds, and the rescue cats need friends too.

Allow me to introduce you to... the London Undeground trains! The Northern line in summer rush hour is like a bunch of penguins huddling together for warmth in a hot oven.

EDIT: I think I misunderstood what you wanted but I hope you got a chuckle out of it.

Hot Pockets aren't just for eating anymore.

Same. But sex would also be great

Then get a dog