My dad has recently been caught having an affair with his young personal assistant. Huge scandal; mom was very angry. Now they’re in the middle of divorce proceedings. Mom moved out, the other woman moved in and I chose to stay with him because we’re super close; he’s like my best friend. Now mom’s telling me to go and live with her and go no contact with him cause he’s a bad person and by continuing having a relationship with him I’m condoning his actions and “ignoring her suffering”. My relationship with my dad hasn’t changed, I don’t see why I should end it.
Yeah, the father made a mistake. You're the one that conflates making a mistake with an oopsie, nobody else has made that equivalence. Mistakes can be big and they can take lots of effort to correct. OP will surely deal with this in their own time and way with all the complex and contradictory and painful thoughts emotions.
But - OP is not an adult when living with their parents. Children or young adults are not adults. They have a dependency on their parents. OP is not responsible for their father. OP should not be required to take responsibility for their father's mistakes. OP is getting caught in the middle of the worst conflict a child can be caught up in and they did nothing to deserve it.
I think what you are doing is projecting high moral ideals into this that are inconsiderate regarding the consequences when OP is asking for help and advice and support. This is the last thing OP needs right now and it is not helping them in any way. OP is in a moment of crisis.
Discuss morality all you want but this is the wrong context for it.