Asklemmy

In college, my roommate did the following one evening:

• Drank the better part of a case of beer
• Tried to get into a frat party but was rejected for being raucously drunk
• Punched his way through a wooden fence in frathouses's back yard and ran into the party, breaking his hand in the process
• Kicked in a hall closet door and found a can of black paint, opened it and threw it at a wall 3 feet in front of him
• Got thrown out of the party again, covered in black paint and returned to our apartment
• Woke me up looking like Ken Jeong from Community as a Dark Elf because he was having trouble taking his pants off (his boots were still on)
• Got really mad that I wouldn't help him so he committed another act of closet violence and ripped all the shelving of his own closet
• Called his ex-girlfriend and played the entirety of Amazed by Lonestar into her voicemail and yelled "Amazed at what a BITCH you are" at the end
• Fell asleep in his clothes which he profoundly soiled with blood, piss, vomit, and black paint.
• Woke up in the early morning to move to his bed, which received the same treatment
• Got up the next day and bought a Condolences for your Loss card which he signed and delivered to me.

He dropped out a few weeks later, joined the military, married his ex, and is apparently a sysadmin now.