The Internet appears to equivocate female dominance with a selfish, cruel, and controlling dominatrix figure. I'm sure it works well for people who are fascinated with power itself, but for me, I am interested in power only when it is used altruistically in the form of affectionate protection and care. I prefer something deeply humanizing, benevolent, and connected rather than something dehumanizing, malevolent, and disconnected.
EDIT: I'm also aware of the label "gentle femdom," but from what I've seen in practice, much of the content under this label is the same kinds of power plays but less overtly cruel. In general, anything that restricts or denies pleasure or hints that the female partner is emotionally disconnected or taking advantage of the submissive partner is a huge turn-off for me. I'm looking for something that feels romantic and genuine. It would be nice if there was a label that specifically implied pure romantic connotations and excluded edgy "bad girl" behavior. What I'm looking for is more like, as someone commented, a golden retriever woman who's confident and eager.
The hottest thing to me is a big cuddly woman spoiling her partner with affection and wrapping him up safe and snug with her body. She's totally in control, but she's devoting herself to her partner's enjoyment and making him feel completely loved and protected. She's effectively a protagonist, embodying strength, agency, and ultimate good.
And, I don't know. I guess I was just expecting that to be more common. Perhaps this is just a product of the fact that most adult entertainment is produced for mass consumption and tends to focus more on the visuals and mechanics of sex instead of the emotional side of it. But that doesn't explain the fact that there is tons of NSFW art for lots of different niches. So, I don't really know.
What do you think? Have you observed these trends yourself? Do you have your own theory? Am I just bad at searching? Should I touch grass? I'd like to know your thoughts.
What you’re looking for is “gentle femdom”. Porn in general skews aggressive and performative, probably because that type of sex is easier to visualize than tender, loving emotions felt between a couple. The former is easier to watch without having to relate to it. The latter is more entertaining to experience than to watch.
I edited my post because I forgot to mention that I went down the gentle femdom rabbit hole before.
It is closer to what I want, but I'm looking for something with explicitly wholesome and romantic connotations, and I can't seem to find a good label for that. I appreciate the response, though!
How would you express both dominance and romance/affection at once? In your post you gave an example of “a big cuddly woman spoiling her partner with affection…” - Two people in a relationship might know the woman is the dominant one, but from a viewer’s perspective it just looks like cuddling. Those are the nuances that are hard to express to a viewer.
The two most obvious visual indicators are:
Most of the affection is expressed through emotions and dialogue, while most of the dominance occurs on the physical level. However, every physical action takes on the aesthetics of affection in the form of a visually recognizable cuddle or kiss. It's just that these cuddles and kisses happen to also be big and powerful.
One of the most common examples of this in popular culture is the bear hug. The recipient is helplessly enveloped in a big, squeezing hug delivered with purely loving intent. These qualities—largeness, strength, envelopment, and loving intent—are the core of this brand of dominance, and every action is imbued with them. That translates into big strong cuddles and kisses, and lots of them at that.