Stay in the US mate, we did 5 weeks there recently and I discovered Dr Pepper on tap. After 40 days of suckling at the teet of the drink recommended by your number one medical professional I am addicted. We even went to the Dr Pepper museum. I bought a hat.

Here you can only get it in cans imported from the US and after spending two months on a ship at 11ty billion degrees it tastes like a truckdrivers arsehole. There was a brief shining moment in the late 90s/early 00s when Dr Pepper was made locally with cane sugar. It came in 600ml bottles with a 1 in 3 chance of winning a freebie that you practically always got. Whenever someone gets nostalgic for the 90s that's my reference point. That and Offspring's Smash album being released.

I'm tempted to do the US trip again despite orange man and first lady musk for just 15 more fluid ounces of that sweet, sweet Dee Argh Pepper.