this post was submitted on 13 Oct 2024
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I think there's a misconception regarding what counts as small talk. "Bland conversation that has no real point but to escape silence" is small talk. Asking you how your day went because I care about you is not. "How's the weather?" is small talk. "How was your trip to the grocery?" is small talk. These are dumb things and, if your relationship can't bear the silence that would be interrupted because "The vegan sausages were on sale today", then it prolly doesn't need to exist.
I'm not entirely sure what counts as small talk. When I think of it, it's usually conversation between strangers or acquaintances where neither party knows the safe topics, the topics to be avoided, or even the general preferences of the other. It's all testing water stuff.
I think that's what people actually mean when they say they hate small talk. They hate the awkwardness of not yet knowing enough about their interlocutor to know they won't accidentally upset anyone. Or they don't have the skill to navigate that social space to avoid negative consequences. It can feel downright dangerous in some circumstances.
And that's tough. Because the socialites think it's a skill issue, which it often is. And unfortunately if you don't learn that skill growing up, the social consequences of being bad at small talk only get bigger and more dangerous, which prevents folks from being able to practice freely.
I dunno. Just my $.02 I guess.
I don't disagree with you at all, but the screenie was of a message addressing communication between people who are supposedly in an intimate conversation. One should hope that their conversations can be more substantive, personal, and easy-going in a romantic relationship.
Some ability to break ice with strangers using brief small talk is useful as a starting point for conversation, but if you truly know me, say what you need to say or enjoy the ASMR of my presence.