the instant hostility and grudgekeeping

The thing that got me was that he absolutely kept grudges, but because he was such a prolific powerposter there was no way he could actually keep track of everyone he'd argued with, so sometimes he would haphazardly lump people into grudge groups, and act like they were all the same person. Especially right after federation, it was funny to see some lemmy person wander in and voice an opinion about a tv show or video game and have him go off on them, but it was pretty offputting when he would start referencing the whole history of beef that they supposedly had together, and the other person would be completely baffled.

Especially because he was a power user, so he would often get a lot of support, while the person he was accusing of doing something would be alone.

I think this is the thing. If a guy goes off on how much you suck and then you see him being somewhat celebrated, it becomes a reminder that this is another place where you don't really fit in.

And honestly, I'm extremely awkward and don't fit in perfectly in a lot of places and can still find joy, I just don't like having reminders.

edit like 40 minutes later - my posts in this thread are extremely hyperbolic and make it sound a lot worse than it actually was, the dialogue would be 100% normal on pretty much every other website. Stewing on something so small is not a normal person reaction and I really don't like what it says about me that I still think about this today. Sometimes it's just helpful to speak my bad emotions out loud.

edit again just to get it out: The interaction was in a thread about the gameplay of the Harry Potter game. I commented that I didn't understand why so many people here felt the need to give personal opinions trashing the gameplay of the Harry Potter game because that's irrelevant to the meaningful reasons for avoiding it. I said that any person who did want a serious gameplay critique wouldn't look to get that from a group people who, due to a negative opinion from the outset, are very unlikely to have invested much time. It comes across as sour grapes and waters down the legitimacy of the actual criticisms (namely that it promotes a horrible author).

He quoted a couple bits that I did not feel were the core of my argument and said I was indistinguishable from a kid defending Jordan Peterson and then added in a Jordan Peterson emoji. Seeing that post get upbeared really got under my skin, I never got an explanation that actually made sense to me of what was wrong with what I said. I made a reply but it was entirely ignored.